i've never felt this way before

all of a sudden everything around me starts to change. for the better and for the worse. it's like suddenly my life's been turned upside-down, inside-out, round and round. i feel sick.

i know God's doing smth in my life. smth gd of coz. God loves me so much. He won't harm me for goodness sake.

yups. but to know that God's doing smth in ur life and to live through that change are 2 different things.

then again, this sense of nostalgia keeps coming back. it's not that i've not been spending time with my frens this yr, but somehow, i still miss those ppl whom i chat with online almost every night, exclassmates, like 2yrs ago. is my life such that i feel so friendless mixing ard with ppl in my sch now? or is it such that i feel guilty for not keeping in contact with my long-lost friends? or is it i'm just so tired of being ard ppl now?

the past 2 yrs really change me alot. my perspective of life, my attitude towards ppl, my readiness to share to others and how i'd react to circumstances. i wldn't say i suffered from some kind of a setback but rather, a valuable experience. i guess, an experience that probably changed my life totally. an experience that till now, i'm still climbing out of the after effects.

i won't say i'm tired of ppl. the fact that God gave me this passion to want to help proves it. there will certainly be let downs and stuff but it really doesn't matter. u'll get numb after awhile and in the long run, u won't know why u helped in the first place. and it just goes in a cycle after u gather ur passion back together and start caring for them again.

it's the same with life. everything just goes in a cycle. moodswings and what not.

i still don't get it. after trying so hard to get into sa, and having got into a slack but real fun class s31, i don't understand y after all this 'running away from muggers' got me into this scholar class. first it was the chinese situation, now, it's this mugger situation. for 4 yrs i've been trying to run away from chinese. and i guess i'll have 2yrs to suffer in the scholar class.

i really really really miss s31. in comparison with s14, s31 is like a million times better even tho we are incomparably small. it's the closeness that i miss. the times we spent every break together coz only our combis had weird breaks. the times when we played frisbee or netball during pe and our grps were so proportionate that everyone had a chance to play. the times when we had computing and everyone wld go on msn and not listen to mrs tan teach.

the time when we asked mrs goh to cancel gp and we went for class outing to watch robots instead. the time when we had our class photo taken. the time when raymond was stuck up the monkey bar. the time when we stayed back late to prepare for our funfair game. the time during campus rumpus when we volunteered to be targets and were totally drenched. the time when after the funfair we stayed back to play waterbombs.

i really really really really miss s31 ):

it's not that my classmates aren't nice. they are nice ppl (: the scholars are nice. the muggers well, generally they are nice. perhaps, we just don't click. whereas in s31, eugene, thiri, zheyin,vinoth, raymond, weiping and i and the rest will somehow hang out together. our personality just seemed to click like that. but s14's just differenet.

i guess i feel abt the same as weiping. even tho raymond's in the same class, it just doesn't feel the same. it just feels weird having all these ppl as my classmates. real weird.