so amazing.

it's like, suddenly, everything became so clear to me, like never before.

today's service was different. i began to think about why i was in church. why did i even want to be in church?
was it because it was a sunday and i had to attend church?
was it because it has become a routine and i just go thru it every week?
was it because i had to fulfil my committment and responsibility of ushering?
was it because i had to settle camp stuff so i just went anyhow?
was it because i didn't want to go filming so i went church?
was it because i had nothing else better to do?

deep inside me i knew i needed God. even though i was sick i knew it wasn't my semi-conscious mind that told me that. there's nothing else in this world that can satisfy our hearts' desires. nothing. because even if we feel happy with the things of the world, there's still that deep longing for something else to fill the tiny emptiness. that emptiness that the world can't satisfy. only God can.

i know all these not because the Bible tells me so. of coz the Bible does tell me that. but, the reason i say all these is because i've experienced it myself. i know nothing in the world can satisfy me when i feel something's missing in my life. only God can make me feel whole. the tiny surge of lonliness or even feeling lost. only God knows my deepest secrets and knows the problems in my heart that i don't even know. only He can satisfy me.

the service wasn't a routine. it was an opportunity for me to experience God all over again. i didn't need His presence to make me feel happy there and then. i needed His presence and touch to sustain me and give me strength to live for Him.

i didn't ans the altar call because of the 4 things ps rachel said. i went to the altar because i needed to get my life right with God. i needed to let God take control of everything in my life. be it past hurts, problems or even struggles. i needed to give it all to God. and i prayed that when i gave my all to God, the devil shall not take hold of anything and hold me back from doing what is pleasing in God's sight because God is in control of my life and the devil has no grip of anything in me.

i needed that badly.

and now, i've never thot so clearly before. it's like i've been set free from all my fears and God is able to speak to me so clearly. it's great to know God is speaking to u. i don't want that feeling to disappear. there's just so many things i need to lean on God for.