amazing grace.

So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.
2 Corinthians 4:18

God is good. (=

today was a day of mixed feelings. after the interview, i did qt, the normal worship and stuff. but today was a little different. i felt as though something was missing, and indeed it was, it was God. after last night's meeting, i just felt that something wasn't right. i don't know y but i just felt so uneasy, so burdened. honestly, i still don't know what it is. haha.

but anyway, i wanna thank God for reminding me that He's there even if i don't feel Him. "Be still and know I'm God" i'm always reminded of this - to know God, not just feel Him. and it was something that purpose driven life talked on today - it's not just about feeling good when worshipping Him but knowing He is God tt's y we worship Him. still, God answered my prayer and the worship service was good (= haha. prayer before svc was good (= haha. i think i haven't been praying alot lately.

somehow, i just felt that all this is just so real; the reality of christianity. it's not a bed of roses. instead, Jesus wants us to count the cost, and choose to take up our cross and follow Him. i always think that my past few years of living for God had been really terrible and tough and sometimes i just want to tell God "i had enough". haha. i know the years ahead aren't gonna be easy and i know no matter how exciting God says my year is going to be, it'll still be tough coz He'll always be moulding me. but i know one thing's for sure is that no matter how tough things will be, i'll still follow Christ. (=

and i kept thinking: i'm only 19. i'm not a good leader. i'm not even spiritually matured enough to lead so many kids and these kids actually wanna look up to me. i don't deserve the title of a leader actually. but i know God chose me for a reason. i can never judge His decision of having me in this position and i know that i won't be the one who will do great things but God will be the one who will lead this cell. and i wanna grow as the cell grows too. (=

maybe today was a day to make a decision: whether i wanna take up my cross and follow Christ or whether i wanna stay in my comfort zone and continue to do the things i'd been doing for the past few years in church. it's a tough choice. i don't even know what to plan for the next month of cell to start with. but i know that God knows the desires of my heart and i know that God knows the plans He has for me, plans to prosper me and not to harm me, plans to give me hope and a future. (=

i'll have my sian days in the desert for sure but i know that God will be my pillar of cloud and fire. haha.