yawwnnn

so tired so tired...

it's actually my bedtime now! i shldn't be blogging.

today was a gd day. yea. (: i love church man. it's like the best place on EARTH. the best place wld be heaven. but heaven ain't on earth so ya. (: hehs. 2nd wld be my bedroom ahaha..i love my bed. but i haven't got a chance to sleep for half a day. *sigh* that wld be my mission! ahahaha!! i think i laugh like wil. but oh wells. actually i haven't really heard him laugh. haha!!

today attended sun cell. coz jo and i were supposed to like remain there for abt a month or so b4 the cell is considered stabalised.yups. cell was fun (: got to make another new fren - michelle! haha! this is like the how-many-michelle i know already. ya. and the WEST cell will grow! (: heees.

i almost fell asleep during sermon, during cet and everywhere. was so tired. yea. have been sleeping like 6hrs everyday. i miss my sat late-morning-wake-ups. and i don think i'll be joining band le. i dont even have time to sleep now. much less go for ccas on sats. i'll be dead before 1st block tests. lols

ya. but youth was gd (: i really needed that lah. i didn't expect myself to be a ldr. i thot like "ok, mebbe george won't choose me. mebbe ps rach won't choose me." i was ok with the decision. like i didn't really have much of an opinion. just, ok, ya, all right, full stop. ya. i knew leadership is smth that is tough. i knew there was so much more for me to do. i just didn't know it was SO BAD.

ya. but all that i've been draining myself is my energy and faith in God. all these things aren't accomplised by my own strength and i know it. but so much has happened that i just feel that i've got no more strength to believe and have that faith in God anymore. it's like the soul is willing but the flesh is weak. and i'm so tired. im really so tired. tired that i just feel it's time for me to give up. but i know it isn't.

God told me before 2004 ended that 2005 wld be a year of excitement and a yr of so much more miracles. and i believe it's true. not only my senior pastor confirmed that bethel wld be experiencing so much of God's presence in 2005 but so many miracles have happened in my life already even tho the yr has just kicked off and it's only april now. yups. 2005 is certainly another different yr and so much adaptations to make. but i believe God will do smth great in my life (:

dealing with scholars aint' ez. it's esp hard for me to accept that fact that there are china ppl in my class. honestly, i've bad experiences with china ppl. i knew of only one nice china girl. and it only lasted for a yr or 2 before she moved on to a different sch after her psle. but then, God told me to love them more. be a fren to them. at least, try ur best to talk to them. nvm if ur chinese is horrible like anything. i admit my chinese cmi. but ya. at least talk to them. i don really know what will happen, but i guess i'll just allow God to lead me in this area of my life. that's smth i can't avoid and i can't escape from. so y not.

so from now on, i'll make a pact that i won't laugh at them. so i've removed the column of entertainment of laughing at them. perhaps i shld just forcus on my writing skills. my language...*shakes head*

today had anni meeting. cldn't go home with jo AGAIN. aiya. i just miss going home with jo, talking rubbish on the way home on the long train journey. ya. it's been a v long while since i last went home with her. including the fact that i cldn't go home with her either coz i had intern after svc. and now? 3+9!!! i just hope nx yr i'll be able to go home with her every sun. that's if i manage to survive thru the year. and ya, i'll miss u in church nx sun. :( sad. haha. but oh wells...