weird

happy cny.

well nt exactly a really happy one. yea. happy happy. but i just feel so strayed away from God. like i don't feel God everywhere and anywhere. i only feel Him, His presence when i really concentrate on Him. it's not like before when o i feel God's presence and i knw He's there. now, it's only when i sing praises to Him that i feel that He's there. and now, i dont feel the need to do qt, spend time with God. everything just feels so tiring.

maybe it's because of certain things that happened that i'm drifting further and further away from God. i knw i'm a ldr and i'm supposed to get things right with God myself and settle it myself coz i shld knw what's wrong because i'm supposed to be spiritually mature enough.

i guess it's not as ez as hearing it or saying it. the only thing i'm thinking of now is taking a break. a long long break from everything. i don't even think of expanding God's kingdom or evangelising to my friends. i don't even think abt what i'm gonna do for God. i don't even know where i'm heading now.

it seemed so gd weeks before that everyday i had a lil of God's strength to go thru each and everyday. but now it seems i don't even have that lil strength to go thru each day. mebbe it's like what aaron said last time that we need to be charged with God's power everyday like the phone batt. we need to be recharged. i guess it's coz i haven't been really spending time with God that's caused this drifting.

ever since that day i cldn't feel the pain and everything, things totally changed. not only i didn't feel pain, i cldn't feel God anymore.

my life's not going to be the same anymore. i know. either i'm gonna live it with my head hanging or i'm gonna face the world bravely, knowing God's got my back.

when God said He wld erase all history, He really did and now, everything just seems so blur, so vague. it's gd. coz there wldn't be anything holding me back now. it's just whether or not i'm brave enough, and have enough faith to believe that each step i take, God will be holding my hand.

i've said my piece. everytime i write an entry, i'll be wondering whether u will read it, coz i'm not brave enough to tell u.