sad.

nah. forget about the greatness thing for awhile. studying is driving me nuts. haha...

i can't even type properly. *sigh*

i'm happy that i can type happily in the other blog. i'm happy that people are happy reading my other blog. but sometimes, i can't be happy all the time and that's when i write all my crap here in this blog. this blog is like a substitute for when i don't feel the joy and for when i don't feel the reason to go on anymore.

i've vented all my anger and frustrations into the words i type into this space. true, there are also times when i account my happiness and the wonderful things God has done in my life. and this is the only place where all my daily experience with God can be found, the little truths that God revealed to me and the still small voice that spoke to me.

sometimes i think that i'm always finding substitutes to things i've lost. i'm always trying to make up for things that i've never done and things that never did happen in the first place. i'm always thinking i'm never good enough and will never be. i'm always this perfectionist who thinks that there's always improvement and the bar is always so high.

i have to accept what i have and what i am because no one is perfect and no one will be perfect except God.

then again, sometimes i wish time would just pass so quickly that school would end soon. i realised that so many times, school is just another area that doesn't really make me happy. true, i have to face life. i have to see what the real world is. and yes, i've seen enough. the real world is that real sad to say.

and singapore is not a very good place to stay. i hope that i'll be having loads of fun when i get to canada after my A's. it'll be cool hanging out with my cousins (=