it changeth nothing.

i was quite surprised.
i was a little relieved.
but i'm feeling sad.

but it'll go away soon (=

today was special. today's communion sunday. i kinda felt that God was doing something this afternoon in the auditorium. i was a little apprehensive when i received the cup and biscuit, like a million thoughts were going through my head. and it was the first time i heard my heart pound when i held the cup, like heard. yea. while those million cars buzzed through my head, there was one thing i felt God saying: He has already won all the battles in my life. God has actually won all the battles in my life that all i've got to do is to go through them to strengthen myself with His strength and by His faith. sometimes when i feel tired, i feel like giving up and sometimes i actually do. i know God's testing my perseverence now. but perseverence is something that i don't even have an inch. i've been giving up on so many things that it's become second nature to me. i really don't know how this is possible. but then again, with God anything's possible.

mervin sent me this spiritual gifts survey thing to check ur spiritual gifts. i realised my gifts somehow did grow. and right now, i just need a replica of myself to talk to myself. hahahaha... yea. ahh...

most have already left. i'm just waiting for the day that God makes everyone in my life disappear. sometimes i don't get it. last yr, He took people away literally. this yr, He's taking them out of my life. why? i don't know and i'll prolly never know. all i can say is that God is gracious because He's never left me even at times when i was so angry at Him. i'm just wondering how can i go on. duh, by His strength of coz. *sigh*

i really really really wish u could see. like see.

yet, it changeth nothing.