i thought it was a lie.

sometimes u hear ppl talk about 'christians' who don't seem to behave like christians. well, of coz it also depends on their definitiion of 'christians'. it's all relative.

i would probably be living in my own world of delusions if the world didn't come to me. haha.

it's disappointing when every sunday u go to church and u see "perfect" christians around u, worshipping God, giving their offering, praying for others, and when monday comes, the christians who are around u don't seem to be like the ones whom u mixed around the day before.

strange how differently we behave in and out of church, on sundays and not on sundays. it's true that i feel differently on sundays and on non-sundays. perhaps it's the change of culture and environment that we've grown accustomed to - to be a christian on sunday and to be like everyone else on other days.

to add on to it, i start to feel weird when i try to be a christian on non-sundays. and i guess, it's all in the mind, the perspective we've been living with over the years, that we shouldn't be "holy people" in front on non-christians. then it starts to get weird when non-christian friends ask u about God, when on sundays, u are so used to doing street-evangelism.

haha. i've got to get rid of this mind-set. yet, it's disappointing when u see christians doing things that even non-christians think it's wrong. i feel sad when at times i come to God asking Him why do christians behave this way. i'm not thinking along the lines of that non-christians will not want to convert to a christian bcoz of how they behave, but i'm thinking y do these ppl call themselves christians. sometimes, they seem to have so much confidence in their faith that when Jesus comes back, they will go to heaven.

haha. alright, so maybe the heaven part is affecting me a little. during the times when i was drawing away from God, i feared that if God was coming back the next day, i prolly won't make it to heaven. haha. and i knew God wasn't happy with me either.

yesterday on the bus home, i was quite angry and irritated by the fact that singaporeans are so stupid. it was 6.30pm and clearly, people were rushing home for dinner and stuff. yet, commuters didn't have the common-sense to move to the back of the bus - this has been a controversy too. everyone was just gathering around that little area infront of the door and no one wanted to move to the back of the bus. so, i realised it was quite narrow at the back, but, with everyone gathering infront, what difference would that make.

i felt that singaporeans were really so stupid, so inconsiderate. SBS has to put up signs on the bus to tell ppl to move to the back of the bus and sometimes the bus driver has to shout at us to move to the back when passengers want to board the bus. isn't it embarrassing when the driver shouts at business ppl and perhaps even uni students who are on the bus? it's as if it were a school-bus driver shouting at little school kids, and u know in singapore, only primary school kids have school buses.

sometimes i wish singapore would really be a "better place to live in". even though many ppl say we are fortunate to have live in singapore, sometimes i beg to differ. i realised that the samoa islands have 97% of christians. even though singapore christians have been disappointing, i can't exterminate the whole forest for just a couple of black sheep. yea. i wish i could live in samoa. haha. it's a dream.

then again, all these complaining will come to naught.