wait lo.

haha. last 2 days of bible emphasis was good (= at least God spoke. what more can i ask for?

wanna thank rach for saying somethings too. really encouraged me. (=

all in all, it's been a rollercoaster ride of emotions. and i know i've been saying it over and over again for the past 2 months at least. it's just something i can't let go and let God because all along it was something God had promised, well at least i felt God promising me smth.

and whilst i was searching and trying to come back to God, i neglected so many things, so many people around me. it sucked because i tried to be selfish when i wanted to be there for those around me. yea. the worst was when everything was just so messed up.

i thought after going thru so much crap and straying away so far from God was valid enough for me to just leave the whole christian community and really believe that i was beyond redemption.

yea.God just had to knock some sense into me to make me realise that GRACE is not something i deserve, not something everyone deserves but God gives it anyway. it has to be UNDESERVING to be called GRACE. i'd make God a liar if i say that God doesn't care if i leave or not. it may sound super unworthy and super "who do u think u are" mentality for us to believe that by His blood, God has washed all our sins and make us His heirs. it's just something i've got to get used to again.

amidst all the disappointment, i realised it doesn't just affect me alone, but it affected ppl who were involved too. and i realised how selfish i had been, taken for granted that even though ppl know i'm not doing well, i pushed the border.

realised also that all these years, prayers were answered almost immediately but they were just simple and trival prayers. prayers which were serious and important took years for God to really answer them and for me to see the big picture. it's just so hard to wait for God to answer especially when He has already promised. but God keeps His word. He has kept His word and He will. God has a reason for everything. God will stick with u through thick and thin even if u messed up because He never leaves, and He never forsakes.

time to wake up. really.