me.

it's been a long week; stressful and draining.

i realised i haven't been praying much these few days. it's something so important that i wonder why i could have forgotten to pray when all along i couldn't go thru a day without praying. maybe i've been so tired that fatigue just overcomes me. and i've been feeling so tired everyday.

sometimes i know why i'm drained. it's because i'm always trying to think of ways to help others; to help the cell, help my friends. so much so that it adds to my own problems. and most of the time, i neglect myself. with so much piling up, it just gets worse because i don't know where to start. if i were to pen down what i'd have to do, it wouldn't be alot, just need time to sit down and think. but before i can even do that, i need to rest.

i was reminded of what annette told me last year. "think for yourself. what do u really want?" i blanked momentarily because i never actually thought of what i really wanted. i always thought what i wanted wasn't important therefore i had never have standards. i would be satisfied if i could just live life. that was the first time, i actually thought of what i wanted.

i also remember a sentence i told laureen, "this is like the first time i think i know what i'm doing." i'm not a visionary, i can't plan well. i always have problems with planning for the future kind of stuff. even now, i'm trying hard to plan for my cell but somehow it isn't even properly planned. but somehow, i just sense that God is teaching me to plan. i never thought about 2mr, or the week after. but now, i'm starting to think what i'm gonna do for this year, for the year after.

it's hard because i'm stepping into no-man's land with nothing but God. i realised that 'God will not put anything in ur life that u can't handle' as unrealistic. in fact, God always puts things in our lives that we can't handle alone. He puts things in our life that we can handle with His strength, only if we ask Him to give us faith to believe.

it won't be easy. i've got many stressful months to go thru before i start uni. but i guess, there's a season for everything. and it's my season now to go forth in faith. to believe in what God has called me for.