thank God

wanna thank God for something small.

i was really really mad when i received the msg that i wouldn't be able to get my testimonials this week. i wasn't really expecting a 'yes i'll be able to give u the testimonials' when i first called my teacher last week, but since he said it shouldn't be a problem and even confirmed that he'll be able to give me my testimonials by this week, i was kind of happy that at least i had smth extra to submit for the scholarship, since IDA extended its deadline to 30march.

there was this strange feeling when i called him that prompted me not to hope too much about it and there was a tugging that said 'don't call'. i ignored and called. yes. and somehow i could sense in his tone that i wasn't gonna get my testimonials anyhow he said he 'will try'.

it was very disappointing, because i hoped too much. the msg came to me in a way it kind of meant he didn't even prepare my testimonials for signing in the first place. and he was my CT. ha. i didn't expect my teachers to have high expectations of me or even a good impression because i was always so slack in school. but still, there were teachers who believed in me and it really stood out from the biasness other teachers always played. while everyone says the same thing, what differs is whether they really mean it.

but i was very angry. i alr planned to do alot of things when i came home but i just didn't have the interest and mindset to do. i was angry, frustrated and just plain sian diao. i binge ate, lazed around and just stoned. wanted to play winning e and into the night and really just burn myself out. but after dinner, the only thing i could think of was to play the guitar and God just was so real there and then. He just gave me strength and the peace to carry on with what i had to do for the night.

if i hadn't spend time to worship God, i'll prolly still be fuming mad with a whole list of things undone. (=

still sometimes, i wonder whether i'm really doing the right thing. coz it seems, no one is holding my back.