A New Generation

Last night's prayer meeting was good. It's been a while since I last attended prayer meeting to receive the kind of presence of God and the kind of peace of mind that I needed so much. It brings me back to the youth prayer meeting that I always enjoyed going and knew that the presence of God was just so real in that small and hot room.

Dear and I have been talking about the past quite frequently these few weeks; the history of youth and stuff like that. Sometimes when I think about it, it amazes me that we knew each other's existence 10 years back and the kind of friendship we had back then makes me smile :)

Knowing the history behind things makes me think things in a different way, makes me look at people differently and understand why certain people behave in a certain way. It works the same way in church as well as in the office as my mom always tells me stories about my ex-colleagues. History is important to understanding a lot of facts, just like it is important in understanding the conflict in the Middle East. What we need is the experience and knowledge of the past to make things happen in the present and future. Things can be done in a greater and better way. That's what I always believe in.

Last night was good because I finally laid it all down. So many times I told God I'll give this year to Him, I don't want to carry the burden of the cell group or the youth but I'll be sensitive to His spirit and guidance. So many times I failed to laid it all down. Last night, I finally did, maybe because the presence of God was there to give me the peace and assurance I needed. Last night I got back my praying mojo which I have failed to pray for so many years now. I need to do something about it.

By logic, I should be more weary and bored about youth ministry by now and especially since it will be my swan song. But God showed me something that I can't seem to forget and put it down. For the first time, I actually fear that we might lose a generation. For the first time, I noticed something had gone wrong. It helps when there are no more cynical remarks around me and it clears up a lot of suspicion and judgements. It gives me also the reason to carry on fighting for what I believe in. It's also the reason why I want to work doubly hard this year.

It makes me really sad that people are leaving. It makes me even sadder to know my friends who were once passionate about ministry are now having plans to leave because they have grown older and need more spiritual food. I leave because I want to have more time to do more ministry. I'll never leave my ministry because it is my purpose in life. Ministry doesn't have to happen in church. A lot of people are crying out there.

When I see my leaders fall and do not believe in that passion they used to anymore, it makes me really sad to see how someone could be so passionate about something and not have that same attitude anymore. It makes me wonder whether all these are worth fighting for. Deep in my heart I know and I believe that whatever I do is worthed it all even though in reality it doesn't seem so. It makes a difference when you see it in God's point of view and when you look at the bigger picture. The little things really count for life. And the best part is that God remembers the things you've done for Him.

Believe is a very strong word to me. If I believe in something, it must happen. It's not because I have a strong character or what but because I have seen God. The thing is that when you have experienced God, your life will change. It WILL change. And it will keep you going for what you believe in.

It saddens me, really, at the sight of the little things that are happening and the relationships and stuff. I wish I could do more, I wish I had the wisdom to do things in a better way. I wish I had all the time in the world to talk to everyone I meet. It's not yet possible I know. But I'll make it happen somehow.

What I really thank God for is for friends who believe in me, who understand me and try to see things the way I see even when they can't. They don't judge me for what I say or do but even in their doubt they believe in me. They don't have to be there all the time and we don't have to talk everyday. It's really a kind of friendship/relationship that we have that assures us that we always have each other even though we don't talk about our daily affairs. That I need more than any other friendship available.

It's time to start something new.