I actually thought Ps Chia's preaching was better than usual today. Although I was not listening attentively as usual, a portion of scripture he flashed on the screen spoke to me.

"Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. All of us who are mature should take such a view of things. And if on some point you think differently, that too God will make clear to you. Only let us live up to what we have already attained."
Philippians 3:12-16

Paul actually wrote "forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead". There's so much to forget and so much to strain towards.

I asked myself if I could tahan another year, honestly, I really can't. I don't know if it's temptation or what but I know I'm supposed to stay for 2 years. A year is almost up...

Maybe I'm just being too sensitive or too emotional. Sometimes I try to write it off as my fault because it will make me feel a whole lot better. At other times, I just wish I couldn't feel at all. I was walking to church the other day and asked God how ironic it is that He created us to love, yet most of the time, we end up getting hurt; mostly by people whom we love. The truth really hurts. How I wish I was still living in my small world, believing as long as I'm truthful with my deeds, it doesn't matter what others do or say or think.

I'm going to stop thinking about all these and just do what I ought to do. Doesn't matter if it's gonna be a lonely year. At least I know I can count on God for everything and anything. Life will get better.