The different phases of life

I wish I could say I have been through much in life but I haven't. Of all the years I've lived, I can well say the past few years as a youth and a youth leader in church had been the most eventful. And eventful doesn't mean it was a happy one.

Like many youths, I made many mistakes. Because of stubborness, I always went my own way and I can't say I won't even now. I grew up in fear, doubt and a lot of hurt. But I thank God for surrounding me with wonderful friends who never seem to leave me. It wasn't easy to survive in church no matter how oblivious I would act. I would always play this punk girl who wouldn't care about a thing. Truth is, I didn't want to, until internship came and I had no choice. I guess I didn't know how bad the situation was until much much later, when even solving the problem wasn't able to cure the damage done. But I'm glad I've found a wonderful boyfriend to love and to care for me, for all the love and care I needed so badly.

Well, I never did much as a leader. In fact, I don't think I've contributed at all because I had been slacking and not putting in my best effort even in organising camps and stuff. This time it's different, because I actually initiated something from the bottom of my heart and did the proposal with my utmost effort. I could sense it was different because of my attitude towards doing it. It wasn't reluctant. That's why I really hope this gets through and we could all have some fun.

I don't have much time as a youth or a youth leader anymore and I'm planning to leave my alma matter behind and not taking it with me as I move into my next phase in life. It's just something in me that says I can't drag this longer and I can't drag these people along because they wouldn't be growing to their fullest. No matter how sudden this decision sounds like, it isn't because I had been planning and thinking for many years now, even as long as 4 years ago. I was just waiting for the right time and I even think, I'm behind time. I should have left at least a year ago. Well, God does gives us allowance and He's not restricted by time. I always believe that leaders are replaceable and even if I were to leave suddenly, there would be someone to take my place, because God is that mighty. But I know when it's time, it's time. There's so little time left for me that I feel I should do something before I go.