lost

i can't get to sleep. the tears just keep flowing and flowing and i don't know why. it has been an awful week, mentally and emotionally. and everyday it just gets worse and worse. everyday i try to put up a front to say i'm okay but deep down i'm really not. i try to be okay because i really want to but i failed. i swear this sem has to be the worst sem of my life. 

i wished i knew what was wrong but i don't. it has been a very sad week but i had to pull through. and i barely pulled through. and i'm gonna have to drag myself for another week, and another, until my exams end.

even if i were to lose something dear to me, i wouldn't know if i'd have the strength to find it back.

and sometimes i feel so sad that it hurts. 

people say 'curse God and die' but there were many instances i argued with God. i took a risk in doing that. and i asked God once again why. i never got an answer from Him. i never understood why. i always end up with the answer that i could take more. but i can't! who am i kidding. i can't even fight for myself much less fight for people. i can't even fight for myself.