daddy

our Abba Father.

truely God is our heavenly Father. i've shared it during cell. i've reflected upon it. i know God is still reminding me of His love. this unconditional love.

still one thing that i haven't gotten a clue is that i didn't and still don't understand why He sent me to jc. ha. this may sound a lil surprisingly but the fact is that jc wasn't my first choice in my heart. why i came to jc? why i even put sa as first choice? it was for my friends. it was for that prayer i had prayed last yr, before the 2nd intake posting results were released. my prayer was that "God, if all my friends get into the same school, i'll stick to SA. else i'll go poly." i still remember that stupid prayer i prayed. haha. ok, so maybe i shouldn't say it's stupid. but ya. u get the point.

well, i wanted to join the step team. probably it's because when i was young, i daren't ask my parents if i could go for mission trips. they probably say alot of stuff to deter me from going. i know mom. haha. and now, i'm ready for missions. i wanna experience another side of God. but somehow, circumstances don't seem to let me go for missions. but that's alright. missions are only just but a part.

but i never like to study. some people might say i'm smart, intelligent all that, i'm not. it's not out of modesty i say i'm nt smart. it's God's grace upon me that allows me to perform well in my studies. i alone can never achieve such results. God's always using my studies to show and remind me that 'hey. i'm not alone.' i should more or less have understood Him then, the reason why He put me in jc.

i have resented, many times, why i didn't get into poly. haha. moreover, sp has always been my 'dream school'. yea for some reason. perhaps God has a better plan for me being in jc than in poly. yea. coz i'm real tired being in jc. i wish studying could stop. but one thing that God spoke to me during synergiz tonight, was that i could cast all my cares upon Him - be it stress, resentment, whatever. i know i can count on Him for help with my studies. even nx mon's block test, i honestly have no idea how i am gonna pass my subjs. really. all i can count on now is God. and He should have been the one i count on in the first place. not my strength, not my might, but by His grace.

i really love mom. mom knows i like to drink hot water at night. haha. it's a habit. whenever i come home late, after she sleeps, she won't pour out the water in the vacuum flask.she'll leave it for me to drink.when i came home from synergiz, i saw the vacuum flask and even a simple gesture like that reminded me that mom loves me. God is like mom. He knows the things i like. He knows what i love to do. and He'll place them infront of me to let me enjoy. sometimes, i take all these lil blessings from God for granted - like money to buy stuff i like, somehow the money just appears.

yea. i know the struggles i've been through; who hasn't? God has carried me through all this while. like the video ps jeanne showed, the man, who ran marathons and triathelons, with his paralysed son. God is like that father. and i'm like that son. i may think this journey is too tough for me, it's too much for me to bear. but i never realise, i'm only sitting in a wagon. God is the driver. He is the one who pulls me along, He is the one who carries me through stormy seas.

i still don't understand why i'm put in jc. but i know for sure, one day, i'll understand the reason God put me in this place. (=