religious issues

i didn't go for Saturate, a worship conference/seminar held at my church this week. if it were held like some other time of the year, i'll probably be there full attendance because it is a worship seminar and worship is like the thing that i love. but just not this week. there just wasn't a need to.

i was quite disturbed when jake questioned "take a break from worshipping God too?"

and then when daddy was listening to city harvest's service today, ps kong hee said smth about being a daniel in this world. living like the world, doing the worldly stuff but being a light for God at the same time. he mentioned about multi-tasking and stuff.

it was smth i'd always thought about: whether it was possible to live like the world yet set apart to be holy for God.

sadly i haven't come to a conclusion, yet i hope. it's things like this that i learn better than a classroom setting. values i inculcate into my beliefs. the things that i stand for. the character i want to have.

and again, i disagree with ms seetoh. one can choose what kind of character he/she wants to have, what kind of personality one wants to play.

and i understood again. completion has never been part of my culture. i'm always giving up on things; many things in fact. i'm always leaving things incomplete, unfinished, half-done. this time, it's not an exception. the only few things that i haven't given up on is God and i haven't give up on life.

i was looking at the figurine and i wondered why i didn't return everything.
but i'm glad u said no. i'll take that seriously. i'll take it for real. i'm going to take a deep breath and move on because now i know i can move on. i'll take it that God meant something different.
how hard can that be.

all i can say is when i look back and see all the silly things i've done, i can only laugh and cry at them. nth can change it because it's all history. and nth will affect because it's all history.

and i'm wondering why al the times i said i was alright when i clearly wasn't. haha.

maybe i'm running.