growing up.

many things have changed... i wonder now if i've changed too.

it was almost a total reformation of thoughts, priorities, and lifestyle. people whom i'd gotten used to in my life are gone, maybe forever. new trust is formed, a deeper relationship and understanding between my friends are formed. i'm starting to learn to be vulnerable.

all along i've put on this strong front. even when problems come my way, i appear strong enough to carry another's burden. and God has been telling me to remove the wall. it's time i learn to be vulnerable to trust others. haha. true, God do make people who are able to carry other people's burdens plus their own because of the faith that God has placed in their heart. there are ppl who have that much faith to trust God and need not depend on strength from friends. there was a period of time i was like that too. but now, as God slowly reveals my weaknesses, it's high time i start trusting others.

i've moved on to another stage of life. i've turned from slacker to do-er. i'm starting to take many things seriously and i've out-grown playing punk. somehow, i feel that adulthood is drawing closer and closer and soon, i'll be making very important decisions, getting a real job, getting attached, married and having kids. maybe the working environment is affecting me as almost everyone there is married with kids and stuff. i'm being influenced. maybe soon, my mentality will change.

the thing that bugs me now and then is that uni will change my mentality. haha. weird how i'm so concerned about it since i'm so stubborn and all that. precisely. if uni is capable of changing my mentality, i wonder how rigid i'll be when i grad from uni.

even though i know my mindset is starting to change during this period of time, i hope i'll be focused enough to see the path that i'm supposed to walk. "Your word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path" the only way i can be focused on God is to read God's word. haha. yea.

and while i don't wish for anymore changes, i wanna grow up too; i wanna mature mentally and spiritually. haha. mature, to make the right decisions in life, and to choose the right things.

not only am i entering into a new phase in life, i'm entering into a new phase in my walk with God. this yr, i'm banking in on the basics. haha. i'm trying something old-fashioned, but new to me. and this time, i can't really run alone. i've got people to walk with, and to run ahead of.

i entered into leadership without knowing what to expect, what to face. i learnt things the hard way and i struggled through. sometimes i wished there was someone to guide me then, someone to teach me what i was supposed to do as a leader. but i guess, God taught me a lesson of faith then; to lean on Him when there's no one else. it was a hard lesson but without it, i wouldn't be standing on my faith now.

the whole process was to mould my faith and to refine it so that nothing in this world can ever tear my faith down. my God is a big God. He is a God of wonders, a God of provision and a God of comfort. i've seen the reality of God and i've stopped being skeptical because God is too real. haha. i've grown from skeptism to faith.

but besides that, i'm still very skeptical about everything else. haha. and maybe that will never change. haha.