the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom

it's been 10 days since i last blog here. haha. so long.

everyday i'm learning something new. but it isn't everyday that i really understand and apply it in my life. there's just so much and it's so hard to concentrate. maybe i'm just suited to doing one thing at a time. like for now, i can't set a plan to work towards to until my results are released. and it's a feeling of being stranded and lost. just when i'd learn to set goals and see things in a bigger picture, uncertainty creeps in and i become illusionised again. it isn't really a confident journey to not know where ur heading and what ur going to do next. it's alright if i have to just account to myself. but things aren't so simple when i have to account to others.

maybe God's teaching me how to really lean on Him to guide my path. like how i have no clue in leading my cell group. usually i'll have a plan or a backup plan or the know-hows in leading the cell. maybe this is the something i really didn't expect that the move to tertiary would cause such a difference.

it's a struggle, really, to live a life fully dependent on God and yet at the same time living up to people's expectations knowing that all that people expect of you is what God has been doing through you and not by your own abilities. i know whatever i have achieved, if ever, is not by my own abilities but by what God has given me. and what God has given me, He can take it away. i'm nothing but a vessel.

one may say, oh we shouldn't belittle ourselves because we are all sons and daughters of God. but then when we start to assure ourselves of that amount of confidence, we tend to neglect the power of God that wants to work within us. a heart of surrenderredness and humility is always good. as proverbs say, "the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom". always acknowledge the power of God and the infiniteness of His majesty that we as human beings are nothing compared to Him.