long

it's been a long time since i had this feeling (=

i never realise that i'd been reliving what happened 4 years ago. long time ago tho, but still relevant in my life. (= what God did 4 years ago was amazing, almost supernatural, something that i could not comprehend nor articulate, something that brought me back to Him, that began my christian life anew, that brought me to this point as a leader.

well, Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today and forever ain't He? (=
Hebrews 13:8

that's why He brought me out of my mess the same way He did 4 years ago, on my knees. well, the previous mess wasn't as huge as the present day's but God was great. He was merciful (=

i recall what happened actually and true enough, i was nailed down by alot of things that really forced alot of my rebellion out just to vent on everything else. i'm always having this problem of suppressing the rebel in me knowing if i just let it out, i wouldn't be alive right now. haha.

and i thought a distraction would serve me good. but no, the distraction only served to make things worse. so, i told God why not just remove this distraction, i wouldn't want it in my life even if it's really from You. because a logical statement came to my mind: if it's God's will and purpose it shouldn't distract u away from God.

well, just like the same for my leadership! leadership was God-given. but at a point of time, it was a hinderance to growing deeper in God. so did it mean that leadership in fact was posted wrongly? if that's the case, why did God even give me the vision for the cell.

i'm really glad for hadley's eunice's prayers(= God really shone light onto alot of things that i've overlooked and taken it for granted and to be trivial. it was really breaking point and i needed that.

and i guess i've always taken this blog for granted. i've been posting nonsensical stuff that only breaks and depresses the spirit when i should be blogging about stuff that encourages the soul. i never will know who reads my blog, but it doesn't really matter either. all i've got to do is encourage. and thanks rach for answering all my silly qns (=

i'm so tired.