drag.

i've been dragging this for a very long time now. i realised i've accounted it to many things i shouldn't have and i've misplaced my grudges and ill-feelings on people whom i shouldn't have. i've been a super ultra moody person this whole year, not to mention the extremity of moodswings i display in school as well as towards friends, always in accordance to my mood.

it isn't good, i realised, reluctantly. it hasn't been good. everything runs according to how i feel and i'm doing things not because i should be but how i feel.

and all these years, it has only been in jc that i started to skip lessons and have the displeasure of coming to school. going to school for the past 10 years of my life had been enjoyable, kinda, and since to most people, jc is the only time when u really have fun and all that, it was somehow different for me.

i wake up in the morning, most of the time, thinking about ways to skip school and lessons. i spend the travelling time on trains and buses on the way to school sleeping to ignore the journey-time.

maybe it's the company i'm hanging out with, maybe it's the people i mix with often.

it's just hard. it's just different.

maybe God wants me to appreciate life a little bit more and go out of my comfort zone. maybe God wants me to experience the real life and stop living in my well. maybe God is moulding me. maybe.

even though i may miss jc and my friends, somehow, i just want to end this jc life so soon. i just can't wait for school to end and exams to start and holidays to enjoy. i just hope that i'll get out of this life asap.