the past

"the feeling of persecution can never be worse than having been hurt by ur loved ones...the meaning of carrying the cross and denying oneself is to suffer for Christ..ya. i don't mind being hurt by ppl i don't like..."

"have u ever experience coming so close to being 'gone' that u just used every ounce of strength to hold on and not fall? i believe that when u do experience that, thots that come to ur mind are what's most impt to u...."

"the reason y we love looking back at the past is becoz ppl are always changing...everything is changing"

"i was so close to losing a very impt friendship just because of a childish issue. even though things will nv be the same again, but ya, at least we still talk. kinda miss all the crap we talked abt until 2am in the morning (: or even 3am. hahas then we wld joke abt talking until 6am in the morning lols just nth but crap. yea..kinda miss it..."

suddenly, i feel that i actually became more foolish. those were the words that spoke to me as of what i'd written in sec4, when i was 16.

to be broken over and over again, to experience feeling lost, empty and aimless over and over again. people say maurity comes with experience, yet i'm foolish enough to fall into the same trap again and again.

one wrong step, a grave mistake made. the past will always haunt me.

i relish every moment spent, be it the rants and tantrums in the past. many thing i can regret doing but i can't change anything. it was meant to be, it was meant to happen. i can cry all day and nothing will change.

when christians become christians, they accept Jesus into their hearts and their sins are forgiven, but for every sin they committed, they had to bear the consequences and go through the rehabilitation.

i am used to being gung-ho about every thing i do regardless of the consequences. i don't regret even if the results prove me wrong. but this time, i guess, this time, everything's changed, i've changed.

maybe what i had been searching for all along was always there.

it's time, it's time, i have to leave.