season

was thinking about how the cell had been for the past few months just a couple of days ago, pondering also on what annette commented on the cell, on how the cell has grown.

i had a very deep thought about it, and wondered whether had i make any impact on their lives, had i change anything, had i cause any growth in them these past 9 months. and then i wondered what was it that cause that change.

looking back at my previous cell, leading was on a day-by-day basis and there wasn't any clear goal. all i did was to take care of ppl, meeting individual needs and stuff. taking care of sunday cell is a challenge to me because i had a greater responsibility for their spiritual growth. i was accountable to whether they make it to being a matured christian because i had the responsible to lay their christian foundation.

it was a huge challenge to start of with, with no particular goal in mind. but when God dropped that passage in my heart, which caused healing to take place in so many areas, many things began to happen. how i released forgiveness, how forgiveness was released to me, how friendships were restored, how my leadership took a turn. i began to learn how to lead with God infront of me.

i was never focused in the things i do. everything was impromptu and arrayed. the thing that i really wanna thank God for is alan. he's always been reminding me to stay focus and do one thing at a time. the reason why i failed to see that my cell had grown was because i always thought accomplishment was based on how many different things i had done. well, i was wrong. because being focus can bring about accomplishments too.

initially when i looked back, i thought nothing much changed, except for the fact that worship was taken to a greater height and the members were more regular. but as i thought deeper, i realised alot has changed. i saw how members' lives were being affected and friendships were forged among them. i saw how being focused changed my life too. and i've learnt to say no to things. i've also realised that being focused made me not get distracted easily, and learn to be patient. i'm always wanting to accomplish alot of things in a short time but being focused made me learn to be humble and that not everything can be done overnight. certain things that may not mean alot but have to done for months made me realise that hard work is also important.

still i find it amazing that i've stuck to this goal for 9 months. i find it wonderful that God is still doing great things. i know He'll be doing even greater things than this.

i'd just sound hard and cold if i say i wouldn't be sad when my cell splits and moves up to tertiary. i realised i've been denying myself of having all these feelings and attachments. but sometimes, it's really unwanted and unnecessary. haha. i'm not giving in alot of thought about this. it's just smth which i feel i need to do but haven't thought about its consequences. maybe someday when i've less work to do. haha.

AND. i need to stop playing reverse psychology. hahahaha... i've been so used to doing it that i'm doing it unknowingly. sometimes u get misunderstood for being frank. lol. esp when there aren't any between the lines.