Discernment

God spoke to me one of the days through an altar call given by Pastor Joyce. It wasn't an altar call for me, well, it was an altar call few months too late. It brought me back to this conversation I had with another pastor. I could still remember that conversation so clearly because it was about what I thought about the season Youth Alive was going through. After hearing my views, the pastor asked whether it was something I knew about or something I felt. I replied the latter and the reply I got was the verse of "the heart is deceitful above all things" and the pastor didn't feel the same way I did about the youth.

I couldn't argue my way out of this unlike every other disagreements. This pastor held some weight on those words. So I just gave my thoughts a pass even though my intuition, or even maybe the Holy Spirit, kept bringing me back to this point and I had been keeping an eye on situations since. Deep in my heart I knew I was right and needed to do something about it but those words that pastor said somehow kept pulling me back and making me think twice about what I was really hearing from God. Maybe it was just me.

So back to that day when Pastor Joyce gave the altar call, it was the exact same issue God was telling me about the youth. I cringed and had so much regrets. I regretted not listening to that voice inside of me, I regretted not doing anything about it, I regretted allowing someone else, even though a pastor, to have opinions above mine just because of experience and age.

Initially I couldn't go up to pray for people because I was in no position to do so. But God ministered to me too, and once again told me that no one can judge what I feel He is saying to me. God ministers to people differently and He has different plans for each one of us. What He says to me may not agree with what He says to other people and there may even be conflicts. But it doesn't matter because all I want is to be right with God and be right with my walk with God. Nothing else matters as much to me because I know that if I don't follow where God is leading me, I can forget about being a Christian.

Which was a blessing in disguise because it has encouraged me to do what I have to do, against all odds. It has been hard telling people my decisions and despite being strong-willed, I'm still quite soft-hearted. But now that I know that this is what I really have to do, I can't say no, even if it means to explain a million times. I have to do what really matters and I have to protect this relationship with God.

I need discernment more than ever. It is really a step of faith, but a step I've never been more peaceful at.