choices

was clearing some files in my com and i happened to see a note written by someone close to me. it was about the choices i'd made and if God isn't speaking and people don't seem to be supporting me, maybe i'd been making the wrong choices.

sometimes i just want to be stubborn and go my own way. less frequent would i tell myself not to rush and submit to God's authority. i've made alot of decisions the past 2 years through my transition. some decisions turned out well, some didn't. yet some still remain to be discovered. i've come to realise that sometimes it's soley on u that u make the decision. sometimes it's really hard to know which is 'the right path' especially during this time. but whatever the choice is, somehow, we learn something thru that experience and we grow closer to God if it's God we're seeking, in spite of whatever choices we had previously made.

we never get the hang of making choices because we don't usually make the same choices in life. choices vary. yea, things like choosing what to eat or what to wear is trivial but most of our choices come only once per lifetime. there isn't a 'one bitten, twice shy' theory to go with it.

even as i make a really important decision, i really want God to guide me thru this and let events flow so well that i will know it's time. leaders are dispensible people; anyone is replaceable. sometimes, life just seems like a dead end for me; there's nothing much to hope for anymore.