Drained

I don't have time to think about so much stuff, to settle myself, which I really need badly. I hope after this festive season, I'll have time to think about stuff and make my directions clear. I really need the clarity. I'm doing good at this rate, but I'm certain that I can do much better than this. I just need the time to think and plan.

Life hasn't been as perfect as I've lived. A lot of times I choose to portray that I don't have any worries because I'm not accountable to anyone but God. I only need to assure myself that God knows my every circumstances, my every need, even my every fault, my every thought. That's more than enough. I've lived that kind of life for 3 years now and I'm certain I'm happier than before.

I just need to find strength once again, to face the very thing that made me lose hope. Never did I think it would hit again. Never did I expect it to be double the blow. 

I might lose my cool the next time I meet with a similar situation. I might tell the unlucky person off. I felt really sad. What exactly is God's love? Do people actually understand what it means by loving others with the love of God? Do they? For there is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus. NO CONDEMNATION. Not even judgement. I do judge, so very often. But I try, I try to make myself maintain that arbitrary stand because everyone deserves to be believed in. Why on earth do christians treat different kinds of friends differently? Whatever happened to the parable of the good Samaritan?

All these are crap.