prayer

i always thought prayer was the answer to all problems. i still do. when i don't know what to do, i pray. although most ppl may take prayer as the last solution to a problem, it's always my first. maybe i'm just too lazy to solve my own problems. haha.

i realised that i haven't been praying alot. prayer used to be my lifeline. i would pray few times a day for someone/something or just to talk to God. sometimes i regret i'm not praying enough because of the wonderful things God did to answer my prayers last time, when i saw miracles happen and how God answered my prayers in different ways.

life has not been pretty lately. if i were to write a list of prayer requests, the list would be never-ending. worst of all, i tend to pray more for others than for myself, my family. sometimes i can be so other-centred that i put myself the very last and even worst, my family along with me at the last priority instead of the first. habits are very hard to change, especially for me. but it's high time i really sit down to list my priorities. i'm starting to place importance in family but it's still difficult.

if there's one thing i want God to tell/give me now, it's a change of attitude towards life. i always thought wisdom is needed to live life, but i guess, it's more than just wisdom; it's the heart, to seek after God and to live a life pleasing in His sight. only when we start to change our hearts and our attitudes to that of what God wants us to have, then we are able to live a life that's pleasing in His sight, that we can have peace in Him. i believe that we when start to live a life that's set apart for God, our lives will be transformed, that signs and wonders will follow after us.

and with that, i found my goal for living; to be a testimony for Jesus Christ, to bring people to the knowledge of the saving gospel.

wisdom

i've been praying for wisdom all my life and God has been faithful in answering my prayers. haha. in fact, the more i prayed for wisdom, the more i had wisdom. especially when i offer advices, i realised it is really not me who is talking but God who is giving me the instantaneous ideas, solutions, suggestions.

and i've always been thinking about social issues, even interpersonal relationships, how ppl co-relate to each other, reasons why ppl behave a certain way especially. i'm always into finding out reason for all these different types of interactions, causes and reactions.

most of the time, i get my answers but when i don't, i'll go into a convulsion and just go crazy about why i don't find the answer. and then i'll ask God like why He gives me wisdom only to drive myself crazy thinking about these stuff.

i know wisdom is God-given. like a talent. it's meant to be used for the glory of God and for His purposes, eg: helping others, offering advices. but i wouldn't want wisdom if it causes me to be distant from God.

before i studied soci, i never understood why annette said many christians who studied soci actually backslided. now i know why; it's because of all the thinking.

i know over-thinking can cause alot of things to happen and backsliding is one of the results. i've almost gone overboard and i know how dangerous it is to overthink stuff. sometimes i wished i wouldn't be that smart or even have the interest to find out this kind of stuff. but i know God makes everyone different and having an interest in all these things has certainly helped me alot.
while i know it's impossible to create a utopian world, at least i can try my best to make ppl happy (=

communication with God

i think i've been like overstressed or smth or because i've overshot my threshold that's why i'm being paranoid and there's this fear that keeps haunting me. i don't have nightmares or fears that really haunt me but this thing has been bothering me quite awhile. maybe watched too much tv. haha.

anyway, i've been praying about it and everytime it comes, i just pray for God to just make it go away like any other horrible thoughts that come to my mind. but this time, it just doesn't go away. and so many times i ask God why.

and then God just spoke randomly during prayer mtg today or rather made me realise something.

sometimes it may not be the devil who is putting these distractions in our lives. sometimes it's God who puts these distractions in our lives.

and why would God do something like that? when i have these thoughts haunting me, i would pray and ask God to remove them. sometimes it's just God's way of giving opportunities to communicate with Him. at other times, i realised i don't really talk to God much unless like when i'm alone or before i sleep or during qt.

and then i thought to myself: why should i be communicating with God only in these circumstances?

i'm always learning things the hard way. but why should i be subjected to fear only to talk to God? and then i realised i haven't been spending much time with God. even at instances when God asks me to pray for my family, cell and other stuff, i just simply push them aside.

i know prayer is important. but sometimes it's so hard to break out of the momentum of our daily lives to pray. i think it's just something i've got to learn. i've got to talk to God. haha.