ahhhh

hotmail finally increased its mailbox space to 25mb. lols. i was so shock not to see the red bar warning me to clear my mailbox.

hehs. 2mr's teachers' day celebrations. yay! finally a hol! (: lols. and ya. it'll be the one wk hol nx week. i thot i'd be super free BUT it turns out that i'll hardly have time to even breathe. haha! yea. wanted to camp over at audrey's house for a 2-day math intensive training. haha! yea. and another day studying with rena and marie, and another day for committee meeting, and one day which mr yit booked for pw. ha. that's like 5 days taken up already!! and then ms ho has gp remedial, and mr lee has physics remedial. *faints* my hols arent' hols at all. i'll make sure i enjoy my dec hols after planning for zone retreat man. this is getting way too out of hand. haha!!

i miss hols where i cld really slack.

lalalalalala~

heehees...

haha. i don't know know why i'm so happy today. just super happy. haha!! no! not that rena isn't in singapore now..lols...haha!! ya. but i'm like v happy today. i'm on hyper mode today. haa... *faints*

well...jo didn't come church today coz she wasn't feeling well. then she cldn't go pasir ris park with us.had family day there. was quite alright. i think i smell of bbq now lo. *sighs*

well. for the past few days of not blogging, i've been contemplating and regretting about the choices i've made. real stupid to do that kind of thing la, considering the fact that i used to do that and was really redundant and all. haha. yea. i've been thinking about the school i've chosen, the stream, the course, the subjects, the everything. did i really make a right choice? is this really what God wants me in? of coz i can't deny the fact that God did answer my prayer of having all my friends in the same sch and if it did happened, it wld be God's will for me to be in jc/poly. turned out we were all posted to sa. well, most and rena's appeal was successful. i really did pray super hard man. coz i wanted to go step team. i didn't know if i shld go step team or go 1st 3 months.

God did answer. but i'm having second thots now. is this really the class God wants me to be in? is this really the kind of environment He wants me to be in? or does He wants me to change this environment? does He want me to make an impact in my class?

honestly, i can't fit in s14. during tutorials with my class i'm either spacing out, sleeping or doing tutorials. class is always quiet. i miss the noise we make in 4/5. all my life i've almost nv been to a quiet class. my class is always known for making noise that u can hear us from the ground floor. *sigh* is this really what God wants me in?

it may seem only like "oh, jc life's ending in a yrs' time already! why bother?" win was asking me what course i wanna go for in the uni. of coz i did think about what i want to do, but i guess no one really did ask me the qn in that manner. should i really do engineering? i like math. i like physics. but i don't like the ppl. if what turns out in the uni is exactly the pattern of the double math ppl i'm gonna face, i'll rather study arts. seriously.

why must all double math ppl behave in that manner? why must they have that kind of air around them that puts ppl off and not even wanting to talk to them? i realised that scholars nv do mix ard with us singaporeans. is it our fault? yes, maybe it is our fault. we aren't good hosts. the language barrier?

i just think that scholars just don't like to be with us. i can be with one scholar and stick to her but the feeling wld be different with a singaporean. is it just me, judging them and labelling them? or is it a world-known fact? i don't treat foreigners differently. foreigners are friendly too. so what's the big difference from them being scholars and foreigners? they are foreigners too, only smarter, able to get a scholarship.

my point here, is that, i don't see why scholars are like that. it's not fun having pe anymore with scholars. i miss s31's pe. i miss the team spirit and that kind of atmosphere.

it's like someone's taking something from my life. i feel some parts are missing and i can't feel them anymore.

ouch

yay!! it's finally over!! whahahahahahha!! ha. but i'm left with like 15mins of coursework 2mr to check my ans and stuff. hehs. finally it's all over! i can start studying for promos already. lols. so impossible.

hehs. i fell asleep during FMA lecture today. *faints* imagine falling asleep when copying notes. haha. so cmi. ms tan's lecture somemore. haha. wow. then fell asleep during phy today. so so so so so tired. but, coursework's finally over (:

well well. went for prayer mtg today. prayer mtg is awesome man. don't know why not many ppl attend. ha. i love prayer mtgs (: real gd. i love sun 1130 prayer mtgs also. so nice (:(: God is awesome!! yea. God's really great. i had been praying that even as now i'm "busy" with jc life and sutff, i'll still have time for tpm. really thank God that i only have comp on fri and i end at 1245!! whahaha means i don't have to do tutorials and i get to sleep during chem break and even prepare myself for cell grp in the evening! so amazing right!! to think i only realised it now!! *faints*

many a times when we enter into the presence of God thru worship and songs, we often feel His presence. His presence is amazing, is awesome, is wonderful, is glorious... but that's only His presence. so often i want to see God's face. but i was nv close. of coz, no one can see God's face. whoever sees God's face will die because He is too holy. standing in God's presence is like feeling the train of His robe. i only feel His love and i have to say this: His love is more than sufficient, is so amazing and so wonderful. i wish i can stand in God's presence everyday, every moment of my life and not having to move an inch. it's just so awesome!! yups. and today i felt God's presence. but i felt smth weird too. like smth i've nv felt before. it wasn't bad. it was undescribable. like very holy. very sacred. smth that i'm so not qualified to be in. ya. but God is great (: He showed me some things today. haha. ya. smth like knowing more about Him.

yups. i guess i won't be coming online for a few days. due to my pathetic hand injury (haha) i think i shld stay away from typing coz of the many-computing lessons and practises i had for the past weeks. yups. and i can't type, can't hold heavy stuff, can't do many things with my right hand. ha. sad. hopefully it'll heal quickly (:(:

sleeppp

haha weird tho, but i feel so much refreshed each time i stay up late. haha! *shrugs* it's 0133 now. hehs. i feel so awake!! haha. then again, i slept during phy lect today. today's 3period lect became a 1hr one, yet i slept 30min of it. lol. wanted to pon with raymond but we relented. why? i have no idea either. hehs. but i was so tired then. thank God for that rest, i didn't know we didn't have to copy stuff for the first few pages of the notes and i slept thru it. haha. wow. (:(: spa was alright i guess, the invigilator kept mesearing my string length. oh wells.

haha. in another day's time, i'll be free on computer language for a few months!! *cheers* all i think about now, is variable floats, call function prototype,. void main....*faints* and all i can think of now is cin, cout, infile, outfile *faints* i need to get out of this computer world soon and fast. ha but thank God i managed to solve q2 and q3. real happy about that (:(: hees... lets hope i can finish typing all the codes down 2mr and make it work. *prays*

promos' in another 5 wks' time. gonna study straight after coursework. meaning i only have got a month! wow. hha. i guess i've rested enough staying up late. (: now i feel i can concentrate better, rather. *shrugs*

should i go for prayer meeting? i want to. ha. (:

short attention span.

how short can my attention span be man.

i just did 2.5 qns of fmb and i was so shock but proud of myself for being so hardworking. haha then suddenly i started filling the empty spaces with drawings. ahha. and of coz i turned mad during fmb tutorial. got my eccentricity from raymond.

i'm obsessed with the song You Are Holy(Prince of Peace) by Michael W. Smith. real nice song. thanks raymond. haha.

You are holy
You are mighty
You are worthy
Worthy of praise
I will follow
I will listen
I will love you
All of my days

Chorus:
I will sing to
And worship
The Kingdom is worthy
I will love and adore Him
And I will bow down before Him
And I will sing to and worship the Kingdom is worthy
And I will love and adore
And I will bow down before Him
You're my prince of peace
And I will live my life for You

Bridge
You are Lord of Lords
You are King of Kings
You are Mighty God
Lord of everything
You're Emmanual
You're the Great I Am
You're my prince of peace
Who is the lamb
You're the living God
You're my saving grace
You will reign forever
You are Ancient of days
You're the alpha, omega, beginning and end
You're my Saviour, Messiah, redeemer and friend
You're my prince of peace
And I will live my life for You

ahhhhhhhh!!!

3 more days to freedom!!!

argh. i can't wait.

coursework, coursework. i knew better to memo MY OWN code. my mind was total blank when i entered the lab just now. *sighs* in fact, my mind has been a total blank ever since i woke up this morning. just cldn't think, cldn't concentrate on anything. ha. even that happy msg from win didn't help. sad. lol. ya but then again, since when was my mind ever working? haha. but i need it for 2mr's fma test and phy spa. oh man.

after 2mr, i'll focus on coursework and nth else. until thurs, then i'll start worrying about zone camp, cell. oops. pw? *sigh* i wished i went poly. then again, i won't be having nice ppl ard me now. ah well, i shld stop complaining and start studying for a test that i know i'll fail.

all i can say is that God has been really great. sometimes there's just nothing to hold on except God.

i wish u knew.

boring

woke up at 9. had to.

did some coding in the morning (: managed to solve the fm thing. stuck at the average mark now. like chris. *sighs*

went out after lunch to meet shane,raymond and khaiming at bugis to go nlb do research for proj work. so unlike me to go to the lib. of all places. ha. if i get lost one day, no one wld go library and find me lo. lols.

we went there for like 2hrs and we only got 2 pages worth of information. what a library! *faint* to think i actually looked at the books, opened the books, read the books, tried to understand the books. i am so not going to open another book of that kind again! ha. to think mok's grp went to the lib earlier than us and left the place later than us. haha.

went fish and co for tea. lols. i think it's more like dinner or smth. haha. 4 ppl ordering a seafood platter for 2 and one sweet and sour dory. the ppl there must think we are pigs. haha! i think khaiming didn't eat much, shane raymond and i were pigging. lols. spent like so much there. *shakes head*

yet when i went home i was hungry. -.- that's so cmi. haha!

been feeling so weird lately. don't know whether it's because i'm too preoccupied with coursework or what. mebbe it's the lack of slp. i always feel weird when i'm too tired. *sigh* maybe?

it's times like this that i think of u.

lala~

well, today wasn't a great day, but great when it was nearer to the end of the day (: hees...

woke up slightly later coz i cldn't feel the alarm clock's button to off the sound, then i just continued sleeping until my mom was so fed up with the noise that she woke me up. lols. went to post rena's card, then rushed to the bus stop, thinking i was late for the 6.47am bus already. haha. true enough, i waited until 7.05am the bus didn't turn up, so took 143 until the junction and 51 was trailing behind. haha. reached sch on time when the elephants were walking.

sch's was pretty alright. it rained, so no pe :( sad. haha. then the day was alright, just that i was super sleepy. intended to do phy tut during phy today but i slept. was so tired. was busy doing coursework last night. *yawns* prepared a lil of coursework during chinese break. it helped a lil, but i still can't complete q2. ha. wrote some more codes on the train to church just now, hope it will work. haha. might be trying out later or 2mr or sat. yea.

met deb at macs supposedly for dinner, but in the end we did follow up. until 7. but i wasn't hungry eh. i think i'm crazy. i think i'm sick. haven't been feeling hungry these few days. hungry yes la but not the normal hunger i usually experience. aha. so weird. i just ate one bread for dinner. then ps jean saw me eating the bread and asked whether that was my dinner.she was like so shocked. lols.

attendance for tpm was bad. i didn't realise that it was so bad. there was hardly any youths ard, maybe a handful like less than 10? so sad right. only jingyu,liang chen,daryl and that guy whom i forgot his name were sitting infront of me, then beside me was win and daniel. so few ppl right? ya. then ps chng took over mtg today, then he kept asking us to join hands and pray. coz beside me was winston, then i was like so paisei coz kept holding his hand. ha.

reached home like 1hr ago. so tired now. haha. feeling a lil hungry. thank goodness there ain't homework to be done 2mr. except for gp summary. *yawns*

i hate short attention span. *sigh*

i need Your touch Lord. need You in my life. You are the air that i breathe, the light of my life.

blog blog blog blog blog

what's the fuss' bout blogging all about?

there's this big thing about blogging going around in sch lately. ya. apparently blogging has turned into this huge trend that everyone's following now. it's as though ppl don't have time for tutorials and stuff but have plenty of time to comment and complain about the 'big' happenings. ha. i wonder. to blog about everyday(note:everyday) stuff is going to bore me in a couple of days.

well, this wk so far has been awful but gd. just this feeling of emptiness in me and the feeling that God isn't around anymore keeps bothering me. i'm a person of doubts. i probably doubt more than thomas who doubted the man with the pierced sides and nail-pierced hands he saw was Jesus. maybe the doubts form this thick concrete wall that's blocking me from seeing God. maybe. but i guess disobedience plays this big part of the wall. guess God ain't happy with me because of smth i didn't do.

even when on mon, on the way home, the laser screen outside a church flashed "Jesus loves You". and i took it as sacarsm because i was questioning God then. how dumb of me. but God is gracious. no matter how much i argue, He is able to make me speechless and realise that He is always right. ha. i can never win an argument with Him.

went to visit hadley at sgh during chinese break today before ava started. hah. haven't been to sgh before and i almost got lost. i didn't know that building beside the busstop was sgh compound. lol. walked all the way to blk 7 and someone was complaining i was slow. lols. when i reached, saw daniel yam, aaron low and lawerence. aaron and lawerence left soon after and hadley and i both suffered with daniel. lols. so cold la! the room was already so cold yet daniel had to make it even colder. lols. oh wells. then hadley switched room. yea. had to rush back for ava and anyways she was alright enough to take care of herself (:(:

yea. ava was pretty slack. haha. i didn't touch the camera or boom mike or cordless mike or do any filming or interviews (: haha. just discussed a lil on sva and laughed lots. ahah. i think i got the laughing virus from liang mong and chen yang. been laughing at nothing these few days. lols

chatted with joel online awhile before dinner. haha. to think i used to think he was scary at the rate he was studying. now that i realise so many more ppl are studying even harder, i'm beginning to think joel ain't that scary anyways. and how u urself talk to a person can change ur whole perspective of that person. i used to think u shld talk to the person the way how u think of the person. evidently i'm wrong. the way u think about a person shldn't affect the way u talk to the person. (:

looking forward to pe 2mr. meanwhile, still stuck at qn2 of coursework. help.

All Day

All Day
Planetshakers

I don't care what they say about me
It's alright, alright

I don't care what they think about me
It's alright, they'll get it one day

I love You, I follow You
You are my, my life
I will read my Bible and pray
I will follow You all day

I don't care what it costs anymore
Cause You gave it all and I'm following You
I don't care what it takes anymore
No matter what happens I'm going Your way

I love You, I'll follow You
You are my, my life
I will read my Bible and pray
I will follow You all day

All day,
All day now, all day

Anyone around can see
Just how good You've been to me
For all my friends who don't know You
I pray that You would save them too

lalalalalalalalala~

haha! happy birthday mommy! (: hehs. and i don't mean rach. lol.

i think i'm going nuts soon. been studying too much perhaps? hahahaha...oh wells. hmm...

had welcome party today, was kinda all right. games were definitely better than previous times, considering that fact that anyone can do games better than me. hehs. yea. had time to copy my math too (: haha. i'm such a mugger. oh boy.

during the lunch, talked to alvin for awhile. yea. haha. kinda interesting talking to alvin. there's always smth new to talk abt. after the party, stayed with cherie and rebekah to study at macs. can't believe i'm actually reading math. *sigh* i need motivation to study!! there's 2 cw this wk. one on mon, other on thurs. *sigh* then there's fmb test. ahh!! fmb!! wad rubbish things..hahahaa.....oh wells...

went jp swensens to celebrate mom's birthday.(: before that, went to shop for a bag for raymond(my cousin).yea. saw alot of nice bags. so amazed man. haven't been to jp for so long and there are like so many nice things there, all of a sudden. lol. mebbe my eyes just started to see things that's all.

haha. yea. saw many many bags. and i want to buy all of 'em already. haha. bought one op bag for raymond. then bought one bag from bum for myself! haha!! it feels like my birthday even tho it is mommy's birthday. lols.

heard that the 7-11 near my house is going to move. so sad. have to walk so far to get icecreams nx time ):

so very very very very tired.

sick.

think i'm falling sick soon. ha. everyone else is falling sick too. *sigh*

had pe today (: finally i don't have to do any more napfa. haha. (: thank God. hehs. but i kinda miss running tho. eh? haha. the rest of them were playing badminton, so i decided to help yilin with her napfa. yea. coz i so do not like badminton. haha.

forgot there was physics spa today and i was so worried for my gravitation quiz ws. haha. oh wells. i'd better get started on understanding it soon and hand it up to mr lee. hehs. many teachers didn't come today. mr yit, ms tan, ms ho. where have all the teachers gone? hmm...still mrs gay took over fma lect today. i don't know why but i went for the last-min lecture w/o notes coz there wasn't fmb today. yea. haha.

there's cell 2mr. kinda long since we had cell already. kinda long since i had some free time of my own. i kinda miss being free.

holiday

yay. another hol today. and it'll be so gone after 2 more hours. *yawns*

wasted another day. i've mananged to stay away from the com as long as possible, but my attention span is still as short. spent like many many hours writing my gp essay but i always stop after writing one paragraph. why ah? so sian. gd thing i don't have much distractions during exams, else i'd just take 4 hours to finish writing my essay. haha.

haven't been blogging lately, rather, haven't been thinking abt much and blogging on weird things lately. haha. i call 'em weird coz i feel i'm weird. haha. but oh wells. so sian so sian. no more time to study already. ha. how. mr yit fell sick also. coursework is like untouched already for 2 weeks. only left 2 weeks more. ah! how. haha. i think i'm going mad. ahaa

rena just painted her room blue. rather her wall blue. lol. i also feel like painting my room too. paint my ceiling with stars, then paint my walls with flowers and fishes. haha!! *faints*

happy national day!

haha. so patriotic right? lol. so not me. ahha!!

well, ytd was running day. 08/08 shld be named "Running Day". haha! rena and i ran ard the whole sch ytd because we had filming. did interviews, filming, running. and then when it rained, all the more we had to run coz the venue for the concert changed. ran with the tripod. so super heavy. then had to carry cameras. ok. so that was running in sch.

nx went breeks with san and ani for lunch. we each ordered a set meal. haha. then i cldn't finish my food coz it was too much. then san kop my food until it was almost gone. lol!! the salad!! haha!! yea. then we were so super full. after that rena and i went to marina square to buy tickets for charlie and the choco factory. we got there at 230 when the show was supposed to start at 340. yet, the tix were selling fast! cldn't get 4 adjoining seats, so we RAN to ps. then at ps, tix were selling super fast for almost all the time slots except 645, but 645 was too late. so we bought tix for tiong becuse yk was there. haha. yea. then we wanted to cab but the waiting time was super long, so we RAN and wanted to take train but we found a cab so we RAN again to the cab. finally stopped running when we reached tiong. oh boy.

was so tired when i reached home, i slept at 9 after settling some stuff. hehs. woke up at 10 today. feel so pig right? haha i'm a qualified pig. lols. wells...did some gp hw. gotto go visit cherie later. yups.

watching this cartoon animation of jonah. haha so cute so funny. lols.

how awesome

didn't go youth today. and i miss youth already. :( it feels so weird not seeing my church friends for a sunday, not experiencing that kind of hyped-up attitude and worship, not seeing ps rach..haha...it just feels so weird. well, i had to go celebrate my grandfathers' birthday so i cldn't stay for youth.

yea. and it was a celebration-turned-disaster.

i shall leave out the details. but i'm thankful that rena was kinda like cheering me up just in time. haha. yea. the thing abt me is that i can sense like when a msg is coming...i can just stand nx to my phone and a msg comes in. lol. yea. but i wasn't that sad lah. kinda like used to it already. only this time it kinda became worse. ha. yea.

well. i didn't regret going for 2nd svc today. haha. i thot svc wld be like boring coz of all the older ppl and stuff. but with a different heart attitude, i guess it can just change ur whole perspective. haha. i used to attend adult svc for a yr so all the hymns are like familiar to me. and that's also y i like hymns. hah. yea. i totally enjoyed worship today. even tho the songs were like weird, slow and weird, pardon me, i guess, it was really great to worship God in a lighter tone rather than in the very rock youth worship svc. of coz it's gd to be hyped up by the music. the atmosphere to worship God is there. but the adults have their own way of worshipping God too. and it was awesome. it was just so easy to enter into God's presence and i certainly saw Jesus. haha!! nah, i didn't see His face, but i 'saw' Him. it was great. haha. just dwelling in His presence. once again, i feel His sweet presence again. (: so nice so nice. haha. i think i was just smiling there. haha!! yea.

when win told me abt how the adults worship in svc, i cldn't visualise. but i guess, now i can. it's just a different way of expressing themselves. standing there, i felt pure joy. pure joy that i cldn't contain. i was just standing there dwelling in God's presence. nah, i didn't dance or jump. i was wearing a skirt. haha. but besides that, i just wanted to enjoy His presence. ppl express joy in many ways. some in laughter, some in tears, some in dancing whereas some do not show any sign of expression, just within their own hearts. like most dads, they don't know how to show love. i guess, joy is really smth that different ppl wld have different reactions and ways of expressing themselves. haha. yea. but whatever the case, we are so not to judge them (:

fop

went fop today. almost. haha

the guys had soccer comp at yishun today. didn't go support. was so early and so far. ha. cldn't go audrey's house either, mom didn't allow. so ya. met laureen, cherie, jaslyn and audrey at kallang. supposed to meet at 430, ended up waiting for them until like 445 or so. i saw sheryl tan while waiting. cldn't recognise her. she was like...so different. i think everyone from nhps changed. probably except me. cldn't recognise xiaowen either. and sheryl said she cld recognise me even tho i changed my hairstyle and cut my hair short today. wow. she even said my hair length was about the same as last time. haha. wow.

we wanted to buy dinner when we reached indoor. realised that there wasn't any food there. haha. so we called jon to buy dinner for us instead. then while we were queuing, laureen almost fainted. so we got out of the queue. yups. then later the guys came with the food and everything. by the time we got back into the queue, it was too late, the hall was packed. so in the end we left the place.

in the meantime, the guys were like so childish. so rubbish. haha. but i thank God for our zone guys anyhows. i guess w/o them, life in zone 2 wld be so much more boring. we wldn't be laughing throughout the queuing period and w/o them, i think we'd just be complaining and complaining and feeling so out of place because of that awkward silence. but oh wells, think because of the guys' influence, we'll just be entertaining ourselves by suaning each other. haha. but then again, w/o the guys, we wldn't be suaning.

yea. then we went to walk to macs. xiao hua was singing. haha. so funny. then the guys were being chlidish as usual. halfway, laureen, alene, audrey and i went to ps by cab. reached ps, jon bluffed me that they were going jurong to collect his shoe bag -.- gd thing i called cherie. *sigh*

then went home by red line again. oh wells.

i'm so tired now. listened to nice songs by win, lawrence and aaron. gonna go catch some snooze. long day tom. and i haven't burn jon's cd. *sigh*

u don have to be in a stadium with hyped up crowds to worship and see Jesus. u can worship Him anywhere and everywhere. what really is ur purpose in going fop? i guess i need to really think about it.

be that revival.

i don't want a revival. i want to be that revival.

had ldrs' trg at canaan today. didn't combind. just had the youth session. yea. shared testimonies and i thanked God too for what He'd done. (: really really nice. hehs. yea. then ps rachel was sharing that when we are so weary in our walk with God, it's because our lives have turned prayerless. then she went on to saying that we need that revival.

i was angry.

day in day out, we've kept saying we need that revival, we want that revival. how many yrs has it been already? i don't want to just want and wait for that revival to happen to me. i'm tired of praying time and time again for God to spark that revival. God's not gonna make that revival for me if i just sit and wait. nth's gonna happen. i want to be that revival. just wanting is not enough. smth's gotta take place. smth's gotta start first. and i have to start with smth to experience that revival.

i believe that i'm getting the revival. i've never in my past 16 years of my life experience so many wonderful things that God has done. i know that God is the same ytd, today and forever. perhaps it's because i've grown to be more sensitive to Him and more in tuned to Him that now, as i expect miracles, happenings in my life, i see great things happening. my life used to be so boring, so dead. everyday was just a passing by. but now, everyday, i can pen down things God did in my life. and i think that's way way awesome. if that's what i wld call a revival, it's just the start of many many great things to happen. the revival has just started in my life. and i guess, it all started after cet's prayer and intercession, after soul revolution. God is awesome (:

of coz, i didn't wait. i did smth first to cause that revival. i had to spend more time reading God's word, spending more time talking to God and just listening to Him speak to me, just dwell in His presence. and of coz, ultimately, it became a habit, a daily need to talk to God. it started in church, moved on to home and now, everywhere i go, when i'm not thinking abt work, friends, problems, i'm thinking about God. (:

it's not just about wanting a revival. u need to be that revival.

giving all glory to God.

gosh.

smth miraculous happened today. smth great. smth that i wld nv be able to accomplish myself.

had my 2.4 run today. ha. judging from my medical history, i wld not be able to run. haha. i seriously believed and was totally convinced that i wldn't be able to pass. i hadn't been running for the past 2 yrs coz i was bought into thinking that after the chest pain incident, i nv wld be able to run anymore. moreover, i had this 1 month mc in may. before that, i was almost sick for half of all pe lessons. haha. oh wells. but i had to run. i didn't want to visit the doc again. i didn't want to skip napfa. ha. so my decision.

yilin ran with me, she didn't have to but she ran anyhows. 6 runs. i promised her i wldn't walk but i stopped so many times. ahha. but throughout the run, i nv believed i cld complete and pass. because i nv did complete and pass. haha. i just ran. but i trusted in God. He said He healed me. washed me clean with His blood. all i can do is to trust.

i always thot trusting was so simple. no strings attached. just trusting. but today, i realise, how much it cost to trust. how much it takes to trust in God even if it's so ez to believe the devil. how much will and strength needed to trust. that's how much it takes. even risking my own health.

even tho it may seem a v simple task to most ppl, there's bound to be smth that u can't do. and this is smth that is totally impossible for me. haha. i think my exclassmates wld be surprised that i ran. i still can't believe i actually ran. God.

remembering...

feel like giving up
feel as though it were
my last and final breath
feel like on the wings
of an eagle soaring high
into heaven and not turning back
feel as though there were nth
nth left on earth
to come back for
feel like God took everything
ever since the day
that smth happened
life wasn't the same anymore
the end of 2004 promised
2005 wld be a better year
so many prayers answered
so many dreams fulfilled
so many wishes granted
yet so many had to happen
it's only the start of the year
exclaiming
why God? why God?
all these had to happen?
it's not as if it was expected
it's not as if i cld see it coming
tears were shed
hearts were broken
lives were torn apart
yet the fact it changed lives
to so much better
became an irony
but somehow it wasn't the same
was so much affected
heart torn to pieces
cldn't control the tears
the promise fulfilled was as though
it was exchanged with smth so impt
smth so dear to our hearts
taken away from us
with no valid reason we can find
it was unfair, so unfair
all the quarrels
all the arguments
all the words said with fits of anger
cannot be erased
never will they be wiped out
from minds of those who won't forgive
it's all right
after all
life'll never be the same as before
messed up another portion of my life
with so many "why"s to ask God
with a bolt of lightning
take me away from this cruel place
how much i want to be where You are
dwelling daily in Your presence
God gave and God has taken
it's smth i must live with everyday
how much my heart breaks
==================================================================
that wld be smth i wrote like 5 months ago. and smth i wld write now...

running
the rush of time
it doesn't wait for anyone
feel so limited
so compact and out of breath
there's no time, we're running out of time
everyone's in a rush
what's the hurry?
no, there's no time for complacency
no time to sit down and admire
the beautiful things around
the nice warm sunshine
the sweet smelling flowers
the lil chirps the blue bird makes
how can this pretty sight
be so damaged by
the mistakes that we make everyday
in this busy lifestyle
oblivious to the wonderful things
we often focus
on the hurts, the pain and the suffering
where has all the love gone to?
where has all compassion go?
it has always been
deep in our hearts
looking for the creator of our souls
for life would not be complete
without Him
He is always there
never leaving, never forsaking
through it all

thank God thank God

ha. wad crisis. today my crisis is so over. lols. i'm back on track with everyone else (: lols. at least i'm like nowhere behind. all by God's grace (: thank God. haha. i was thinking that there's no way God can help me with my codes when i myself have totally no idea what codes i shld use. yet, i prayed and God answered it (: God gave me wisdom to understand my codes better and of all the things i asked mr yit for help in the email, i cld understand how to use all of 'em by 12am (: THANK GOD!! (: haha. so happy now. i finally am at a level at computing. ha. really thank God (: haha

borrowed laptop from sch today. i'm like addicted to c++ now. haha. i didn't know c++ was so fun. lols. at least it used to be fun last time, but i lost interest. now i'm starting to get the passion for it again. (: hehs.

goodness. winston is like so gd. haha. so talented. it's only like a week and he wrote 2 songs already. ha. i used to write songs. but i gave up. spirit willing but flesh weak. yea. have the will, but no strength. hmm...it's just like doing a writing. i guess i depend too much on my inspiration. haha. oh wells. but right now, i guess i've much more things to focus on (:

God's been really great. (:

crisis

*sigh* coursework's on thurs again. *sigh*

i haven't prepared anything till now. i simply just have no idea about what is going on. i'm trying so hard to understand the text but i just can't. all i know is that if i don't come up with anything by thurs, i'll just be stoning for that 3 periods and waste another 1.5hrs of my coursework time. *sigh* and then i can forget about getting that A for computing for my A's. *sigh* maybe i should just drop computing. just emailed mr yit. i really hope he replies or help me out 2mr. else i can just cry during lab on thurs. everyone else is like so competent, exchanging sourcecodes, having different methods on solving the same qn, when i can't even write out a line. haiz.

nobody seems to understand.

to flaunt or not to flaunt?

blogging. what exactly is it all about?

i read from somewhere that ppl blog to brag. well, maybe most ppl blog to show everyone else the things in their lives, even the most private of all secrets are displayed through words in the net. while many list down the things they did for the day, others choose to write about debatable topics; to interest and to bore.

i guess i belong to the minority, probably, who choose to pen down their thoughts and feelings after an often-hard-enough day's work. i chose to blog because i enjoy writing. whether my words make sense or not to the rest of u, it doesn't matter much to me. i don't really care how u interpret my words. well, of coz, i do care how u wld interpret sensitive issues, but that's besides the point. to me, blogging is just a way of expression.

often, i forget totally what i've blogged. i have a very picky selective memory. yea. so many a times when i look back at my blogs, i question myself whether i really did blog that entry. even tho all i've typed down are memories and memories i wanna keep(else i wldn't blog), it doesn't matter whether they disappear suddenly or what, coz all these are just but temporal. memories do not stay with u forever. face it. u don't remember what u used to remember because u forget u even remembered. it took a very long while for me to understand that. a person who lost her memory wld probably be happy because she doesn't remember that she has forgotten. but i've not been in that position before, so i wldn't know.

i guess, to me, blogging is just a hobby, smth which i like to do. it doesn't matter if no one reads my blog. haha. even if u guys reading this entry were not to visit my blog ever again, i wldn't mind. because my blogging doesn't depend on readers. (:

it's just another form of expression.

coursework session 1

yay. it's blog time.

well, today's the 1st session of computing coursework. i panicked. finally. haha!! finally i'm getting the nerves. finally i'm starting to show more concern abt computing. finally.

so i decided to be a lil more hardworking, notice lil, lol, yea and started to do some studying, revise my arrays, ifstream and blah blah blah... thank God for roy and raymond. lols. i think they're like irritated, or going to be irritated, by me sooner or later, by asking so many whys. lols.

*sigh* gotta stay back late on thurs from now on. coz there ain't any more time left for us to complete. yea. blame sa for having celebrations and celebrations continuous for 3 weeks now. lols. and it's christian mission week!! lol. and national day's nx week...how celebrative. haha!!

i finally did some work on physics. having a slack physics teacher ain't that gd afterall. unlike ms tan, go out of class if u didn't do ur work. ha. if only all my teachers were like that. lols. then i might as well not come to sch at all. ahhaa!! i wish!

my plan to wake up at 4 failed. as usual.