beautiful one

when i'm in front of u, i get happy.
when i look ur eyes, i smile.
when i'm infront of u, i can speak my mind.
when i'm in front of u, i can show my own self.
when i'm in front of u, i can smile and stare into ur eyes.
when u cry, i feel like crying with u.

haha. if u don't get it, read weiping's blog. hahahahaha. or maybe i'm just crapping larh!

ok. i didn't go to sch today. coz i was sick. haha. as usual la. but i woke up at 1pm anyways. haha!! and i think they ended ard 12. so ya.oh wells!! but ya. i still have that irritating flu-headache that hasn't stopped bugging me. and my nose is still stuck. haha. so how on earth am i going to survive 3 days of camp,1 day overnight at joselyn's house,1 day of youth anni and another day at church? i'll only get to rest till nx mon!! thank God i had my 13hrs of sleep!! LOLS

i'm supposed to do gp, min for anni, and stuff for anni. haha. again, i'm slacking and talking crap to ppl online. ai. mebbe i'll just try to make myself sick-er on wed? haha. oh no. i'm becoming like rena now. ha. hope nth happens to her stomach when she drinks the whole carton of milk. haha who wldn't actually. i think i'd also have a serious stomach problem.

yes yes. my dark rings are almost gone! hehs. i love my sleep. i cld actually sleep some more if my sis weren't there bugging me to wake up. lols.

yaye

ha. guess what? i'm still sick larh.

nose is still stuck and all that. *sigh* wad rubbish. haha. can't even get well SOON. i don't want to be sick :( *wails* i want to get well. ya. but it's so hard. i have to stay away from all the no-no food. eg: fried food,soft drinks,dry food,choc,seafood... and i can't laugh!! so sad right? that's including all my allergies also. *sigh* i want to breathe and taste and laugh again! hahaha!! i can taste actually. but not all food.

today was another long day. it's sunday! (: i love sundays (: despite having to wake up early and go home late, i really love church alot. even tho i ran like everywhere today, asking ppl to sign cards and stuff, i enjoyed my day totally. haha. it's like so hard to explain. ya. it was really good (: hehs.

well, didn't blog for the past few days coz i was SO BUSY. spent my whole sat at church finishing the youth anni stuff. but it was kinda fun. haha. ya. we act had to do alot of last min work. but ya. we're so praying for God's hand of protection to be upon everything and everyone. ya. guess this is the first time i'm involved in such a big thing and i feel so much for it. the need to reach out to non-christian friends. ya. *sigh*

hols have started. BUT. i don't have rest this week. *sigh* it's always like that. my hols aren't exactly hols. they are there to prepare empty slots for more activities to be planned. haha! wad logic. since the sch has 2 protected weeks, i'm going to have my 2nd week protected toO! no disturbance or anything! i want to just sleep. haha. i need to catch up alot on my sleep man. ppl catch up with work and friends, i need sleep. haha. it's so important. lest, ppl say i look sleepy/tired/shag all the time. including mommy. haha. and i also need to catch up with friends and work too. :(

*yawn* still waiting for lau's msg. w/o it i have to squeeze my work in 2mr's timetable. haha. oh wells. guess i won't have a chance to go out for the whole of june. must really pia my studies. everything. ha. i just want to get promoted. worse come to worst, i'll just sign up for an ict course at sp and see brian everyday. haha!

tired. haha. everyone else's tired. i miss coffee.

going down

just talked to michelle on the phone.

again i think we talked for a while. i've been talking like so often on the phone these days. yea but for one it's a must. haha. yups. (: and i'm still sick.

today's the last day of sch. and jo's birthday too! wow that rhymed. haha!! yea. and hmms. but anyways, it's only 1230am. so the day hasn't really began. ha. guess i really got to pia for cts once my hols start and that wld be 2nd week of hols. *sigh* i'm always busy with unnecessary stuff. to think abt it, mom's right. haha. i always busy myself with unimportant stuff. lols. why.

went to jack's place after visiting my dad's fren. yups. celebrate my dad's belated birthday. then wow. wad a great idea. go jack's place on a day when i can't smell, can't taste, can't hear and speak properly. -.- like so wasted. ha. but i cld actually taste the food after awihle. coz i think if u mix the hot, the sour, the spicy, the sweet altogether, u can actually make ur taste buds work better! haha. think i'm crapping again, just like when i taught michelle chinese. WOW! ain't that amazing?! haha!! i think so too. lols.

hmm...

coz of some things that happened, made me think of this. what wld happen if i were to fall to my lowest now? it's like things are so quiet, so peaceful(in the sense), so relax now. what if smth were to happen suddenly. 50% of myself tells me i'm able to handle. but somehow the other half says i won't be able to make it. i donno. think i'm thinking too much. haha.

i doubt u'll ever read this. but ya.

everything feels so weird.

i think i over-laughed again. was recovering until marie made me laugh til my voice changed -.- well done.

why not?

yay! i think most ppl didn't realize, i just came back from leaders' retreat ytd. haha

and guess what? i'm sick. -.- all thanks to the rest of the leaders in my zone. we almost laughed the whole night playng bridge. and i think i over-laughed AGAIN. ya. coz i haven't exactly recovered from the ppym curse. haha. so ya. and i think i ate too much fried food and drink too lil water that's why. and my friends and classmates are falling sick too. *sigh* but thanks lau for teaching me bridge. ha. she said it's a thinking game but even no-brainers like me can play? hmms?

ldrs' retreat was gd (:(: really enjoyed myself totally. haha. yups. the stay at ubin was nice (: real nice. ahha. ya, but overall i think i was pretty stretched already. having to like really pia thru the past week continuing with ldrs' retreat. and finally i got my 8hr rest last night. hmms. but i fell sick. ya. but anyhows. i think God's really awesome. i didn't want to go sch today coz i was feeling so horrible in the morning but mom told me to go. and ya, mrs lim announced the half day and i was so happy (: God's so awesome in taking care of me (:(:

haha and i think all my friends and classmates were like so scared of me coz i was practically sneezing and dripping the whole day. haha! my nose almost came off. ahah. ya. then i was literally dying and all that. and lsn all went ps to eat and ps me. hah. oh wells. they even took np with kevin. OH WELLS. haha. nvm. i'm sick. i shan't be bothered.

i guess for the past few days, some things came back to me again. have i really let go of everything? i really don't know. seems like i have but i know deep down inside i haven't really let everything go. i don't know what it is. it's like so weird. the something that's holding me back practically doesn't even exists but there's this 1% of it that lingers and it keeps growing the more i think of it. *sigh*

i almost cldn't sleep the night at ubin. just like what i told deb - conclusionless. but ya, everything's like in the past already. no pt raking it up again. if i were what i was 3 yrs back, prob things wldn't turn out this way. it'll be worse instead.

i still rmb v vividly it took almost a yr for me to get over the first experience. prob this wld take a lifetime. but i don't know .coz my future's in God's hands (:

ha. poor win. if only there weren't wars during hols right? haha! ya but anyways, nice song (:

ru guo dang chu bu ren shi ni, ke neng jin tian jiu mei you zhe yang de jie ju. wo zhen de fang qi le ni ma?

haha

*phew*

finally cell's over. all right. it ended like 2 hours ago! ha. ya. but then i didn't have time to blog in between coz i was on the phone with maysi. i think i'm getting pretty weird these days. first i spent an hour talking rubbish and crapping with xueyan. then i talked to maysi for 1.5hrs. *sigh* the worst thing was that during those times i kept laughing. my stomach is super painful now and i've got no more energy to do anything. ha. even worse is that we kept laughing during cell today! so irritating! we laughed from icebreaker to worship to even word! *faint* i was like controlling every single muscle in my mouth to prevent myself from laughing. so irrititating lah! haha!! but it was super funny. ya. lols. and marie is making me laugh again. haha!! i wonder if i'll even survive til 2mr.

gonna have leaders' retreat 2mr. ha. must wake up at 6 again. *sigh* think i'll prob sleep on the way there. ha. (:

cell was all right. yups. only 4 turned up. that's sad right? haha but we had fun (:(:yea. i love my cell. it's like even tho there's only a few of us, we'll still have fun. and the best thing's that michelle brings the fun (: hah! (:(:

yea. had a gd talk with maysi. finally. haha! yea. been ages since i even said "hi" to her. yea. (: nice one. haha. i like these kinds of talks. it's not daily nor weekly but once in a while. and my voice keeps changing,growing deeper into the night. i wonder y. haha. sounds like sorethroat. that's why i don't like to talk at night. *sigh*

oh yes. venn was chosen to go support tennis today. HAHA!! imagine. i thot venn was black-listed? haha!! so hilarious. i was like in total shock when mr chay said venn was chosen to go support tennis. haha!! coz in the past, when venn was supposed to go support cricket, either they didn't turn up or they brought tys to study!! hahahahahah!! yea. then today, the turn up for tennis was like quite pathetic until the rest of the classes came. haha. yea. and we did cheer for them (: lols. that was like surprising. haha! yea. 330, shane and i left yck.

went home and rushed thru everything. almost cldn't make it in time for dinner. but turned out that they were not eating dinner. instead, met abt half of 4/5 coz they were going potpourri. yups then like so sad, coz they all were going and i was kinda like the only one not going. so sad lah. ya. but coz i have cell today and ldrs' retreat 2mr, i can't go. so ya. sad. hmmms...and i only saw albert, the only guy there. haha! so funny. the rest were like girls. lols.

i miss yall.

only a memory

guess it's the best week i've ever had. not much stressed and don't really have alot to pia. haha. coz i handed in cell report and all on sunday already (: hehs. admin stuff done. didn't do hw. haha! and i didn't get caught anyhow anyway. (: haha. thank God it was a gd week. so far that is.

oh. supposed to have a feast for ava today, coz we won the video award thing. haha. ended up there wasn't a single food in sight!! and only went cc to hand in the form and money for camp. like so -_-'' i was like "where's the food? where's the feast?" haha!! i feel so cheapo.lols. OH WELLS.

anita, rena and i went harbour to eat breeks. haha!! we had the $5 discount from doing flag day. lol. cheapo again. haha! then we did some crappy fren test from lime. after that, we wanted to leave but rena showed me this feedback form from the table. she wrote all sorts of funny things like

who attended to you? "i don't know. a very tall guy."

and guess what? she happily wrote my name down! haha!! so cmi. after we left, we didn't even dare to walk past the waiter even tho we wanted to go to more than words. instead we took escalator up and down to avoid breeks. haha!! i think in time to come i'll be blacklisted and won't be eating at breeks for the rest of my life. LOLS. and anita was happily bringing out all the econs laws and everything, criticising the shop. haha!! so cmi la!! goodness..don't think i'll ever walk near breeks ever again. HAHA!!

even tho it was only the 3 of us, it kinda reminded me of what lsn wld do during recess last time. yea. i miss them all. it's like reliving it again except that now we are in diff classes and have so much more to talk abt. i donno. it's like if my other frens were to be in different classes, we wld have so lil to talk abt, but not with LSN. *shrugs* guess it's the frequency. haha. we all think in the same frequency. lols.

haha on the phone with xueyan now. haha i think i'm going to laugh until i fall sick again. haha. then if i don't turn up for ldrs' retreat on sat, xueyan wld know why. lols.

oh ya oh ya. at the reading room. haha! faizal snatched huric's chem solutions and ran away. haha! then huric chased faizal from the reading room to all ard the sch LOLS. so funny lah! haha! ran all ard the whole sch just for a chem solution -.- so cmi. lols. that's s14. haha. so muggish..eeee...

and i was supposed to do gp research. ended up crapping with xueyan. haha!

oh look what u've done

i think i just failed the phy test. haha.

didn't run today, coz my knee wasn't feeling v well. ha. and i predicted it wld rain. and it DID rain. lols

stoned thru the whole computing lecture. crapped with rach online. rach was cranky this morning. wonder what got into her. haha. oh wells. i totally didn't understand what dr chua taught today. haha. man i'm going to fail computing ct. lols. went for the 3-period-fma lecture. almost died there. ms ho didn't come for gp today. i think she doesn't come to sch once in a fortnight. she's forever mia. hmms...then we have an essay to do and to be handed up by fri. and again nx mon's a hol! wow. she loves to give essays that's due on a fri before a mon hol. why? and i don't think i'll be able to complete by mon either coz of leaders' reatreat. *shakes head*

yes, i skipped fmb lect today. wheeesss~ haha! we went into an empty classroom where chenyang played his ipod. and then all the sad jay songs came out. the atmosphere was like so sad and all that. *sigh* but OH WELLS.

everyone's telling me not to cut my hair. haha. the reason i don't want to cut is that it's super messy when u play sports or even run. hairband's irritating and it's too short to be tied. haha. that's a valid enough reason coz rach gave up persuading me not to cut my hair after i substantiate my stand with that. hehs. but ya, i'll TRY to keep it long. but i guess, soon, u'll see me back to my short hair (: hehs.

i just drank a cup of coffee (: hehs. and i'm going to sleep soon. not doing any curve sketching tutorials anymore. i can't even figure out what on earth is the chpt talking abt! it's like total alien language to me. wonder what am i going to come up with 2mr. haha. maybe doing fmb tutorial later. yea. it's 10 anyways, might as well rot for another 30mins and sleep. maybe i'll even sleep better.

all of a sudden i'm back to listening to jay's songs and singing in CHINESE. wow. haha. and i realised my chinese has turned from horrible to even more horrible. lols. i can't even remember the meaning of simple words or rather pronounce it. in time to come, i'll be a guarenteed monoligual. lols.

it's so hard to think in chinese. i wanted to write a para in chinese. but...haiz!

sigh

so sian. think i'll write a lil informal today.

been so busy and dead tired these few days. think i'm really going to stop all work and just sleep and sleep and sleep till the cows come home. i'm like so drained like that. haiz. lynn say i can't use the word "hate" but i'm gonna use it anyhows. i hate... i can't say i hate jc life coz i love my friends. i can't say i hate my life coz i love it. so irritating. i can't even hate anything. -.-

sometimes it's not that i want things to turn out the way it turned out. sometimes it's just that everything's just piling on me and like i'm forced to make a decision there and then. im not gd at making decisions. and ya, i regret making most of them. but life has to go on. can't just regret and regret and go back.

i'd rather time not go back. i'm just happy and satisfied with what i have now. if i'm meant to lose you, or lose something important in my life, anything but God, i'll just let it be. i've got no more strength to carry on if i must.

lost
i feel lost when i'm with you
my mind goes wild
i can't go back to where i was
is this the feeling
i'm gonna get
everytime i look into your eyes
the deep feeling
bringing me to the past
present and future
the joy, pain
laughter and sadness
knowing what i shld have done
but i didn't do
didn't make a stand
to put all things in place
allowing all hurt to come
causing more trouble
is that the feeling i want
the feeling we want
to last our whole lives
mistakes forgiven
wrongs became right
but nothing changed
to see you once again
can only bring pain
not to me, to you only
but to everyone else

just smth that has been on my mind for a v long time.

ouch*

i'm still happy. hehs.

cell was all right. jo didn't come church today coz she was sick. yups. and i don't know where the rest of my cell mems went. *sigh* so sad lah. they turned up for cell but not svc. and i'm so tired to go look for my sheep. haha!

just sent the CET reg to ps cat and ps rach, hope it gets thru. ha. else my whole cell wldn't have to go for CET the whole term already. haha!

i just rmb there's comp test 2mr. hahas. oh wells. i have no idea what on earth are arrays and i'm so prepared to fail 2mr. haha. there's reading quiz also but that i can read during my LONG break. haha. ya. that's what breaks are for.

svc was a lil messy today with all the YA anni committee members running ard to do all the admin matters. well, today was the t-shirt buying day. ha. $8.50 for a shirt. i am so broke. *sigh* i need to plan my planner for the week already. lest i forget everything i have to do.

i don't like my memory. i can't rmb alot. just like today. i called annette to ask her whether lau and i cld join them. i asked her everything except where they were -.- the same exact thing happened last week when i jotted down everything abt the phy test except the test date -.- arrghhhhh...y m i so forgetful. *sigh*

and after so many months of peace, suddenly my chest pain came back. like in the middle of nowhere, just after i finished placing my ushers, the pain came back. i didn't even have to run. *sigh* and i really want to run during pe on tues! why. and the pain lasted until i came home. haha and i saw stars again during 3+9 trg. i think they were hunger stars. since i fasted lunch and prayed for YA anni. hahas.

and ya, i'm going to sleep now.

there's functions tutorial? i see stars...

ni ting de dao

ha. been a long time since i listend to jay's songs. so nice!!! lols partly coz i don't do chinese now so that's y no chinese songs. haha sad right.

hmm. didn't update ytd coz i was SO SO SO SO SO sleepy. i felt like killing anyone who disturbed me last night. LOLs. but thank God there weren't really anybody. haha. weiping was busy doing her own work as well and raymond was stoning. =/ jeremy was running away from the flying cockroach. ahahhaa!!! basically the past few days from tue onwards was a killer. didn't have enough sleep, didn't do many tutorials, i think i just focused on PI. yea. and finally IT'S OVER!!! WHEEE!~ ya. i hope i don't have to make any more changes even tho i exceeded the word limit big time.

yups. cld see my "to-do" list filled with all the things i had to do. and everyday had smth to complete. so ya, i was kinda dead after finishing everything. but thank God almost everything has been crossed out already. ha. so i'm like free today except for doing a few admin work for youth anni. hehs.

fri was a gd day. haha. had our very FIRST class outing at harbour man. altho only like 8 ppl turned up and we went macs for lunch, it was kinda fun. haha. at least i didn't stone for the 2hrs or so before the yang guang you miao filming. yea. only like most of the singaporean ppl in my class went. haha. oh wells. we had fun tho. not exactly fun lah, but a lil bit of fun (:

the filming was quite bad. haha!! the ppl were like kinda cmi. oops..haha! ya. and the video cam was SUPER heavy!! goodness..my hand almost died carrying that black box. haha! ya. but then again. ha i doubt it'll turn out nice. coz i filmed some parts lols. oh wells.

then had cell. i was kinda scared coz i didn't really expect alot to come for cell and i didn't really really really prepare for sharing either. ya. it was like a last-min thing. but usually i'll prepare sharing ard the same time. but ya. this time i didn't really know what to share. yups. but i was really happy when the cell turned up! altho they were like so late, haha! i was really happy to see full attendance except maysi (: it's not like always u'll see full attendance. haha. if maysi were to come last night, i'll be like super happy already (: heees... ya. and another thing that i was happy is that the cell was really responding and it seemed so different from the 1st 2 cell grps we had earlier. i think after cell last night i was literally smiling all the way even til now. haha! think i must be mad but ya, i was really happy (: i love my cell grp. u guys are so wonderful (:(:

had youth anni meeting in church today at 11. had to wake up early to print the stuff needed but i overslept, as usual. haha. zzz... i almost fell asleep in from of my com when rushing pi last night. haha. was so tired. ya. so went church and i realized i was EARLY. -.- laureen was late. haha. ya. and so we discussed like most of the stuff already. leaving ALOT to cover the nx meeting. *sigh* really need God's strength (:

after meeting, went home with lau again, then i met rach on the way. haha! singing again. if i were in 2nd svc i think i'll prob laugh during worship. haha. ya. i miss rach! =/ hahahahaha....no, i just miss her nagging at me, like my mommy. haha. she still refuses to let me call her mommy. lols

then i took the super long route home, again. haha this time lau had to go j8 to meet amy. so i went j8 with her. haha. we sat at macs to read and stone and slack. then i took 156 home. haha! super long journey man. i almost died freezing when i finally alighted from the bus. i was still cold when i came home even tho i changed bus to get home -.- the power of aircon. LOL

oh yes, jeremy asked me this morning whether i wanted to go study with him. ahha! study? me? hahahaha like the only person i ever studied with was lynn and it only happend like once or twice and i gave up after that. lols cmi. shld have find roy. haha!! then jeremy just told me he walked past j8 the time i was there stoning with lau. ahha! no fate. lols. thank God else i'd have fainted when i saw him mugging. haha!! stop mugging lah!! lols

ya and i don't plan to study today, even tho i have upcoming phy test on tues, gp reading quiz on mon, gp essay to write and fma and fmb math tutorials. ahahaha so cmi.

i still can't picture u in my mind.

sad.

then my phone rang.

"3-1 we lost"

almost cried when shane told me what happened. yea. didn't stay for the match coz i had to come home early. if i had stayed, i'll probably just cry there. hmms...nvm we'll do better nx yr (:

another hectic week. almost died. ha. it's always like in between the week that i feel the most pressured. and then fri will be the super slack day. except for, of coz, cell and sharing and stuff. and on sat is YA anni meeting again. hmms. another bz week.

and to raymond: take care! (:

sue me

and so i cannot criticise ppl anymore, that is with their names all over my blog. (: hehs. all thanks to mrs lim and ms chia, blogging has become such a serious issue is sajc. wow. i feel like i'm writing for the sch paper now. hah. it's practically the headlines man. everyday, they've been saying like "the www is a public place. it's for the whole world to see" and "don't think your blog is a private coz anything that's put on the www cannto be private" obviously what they say is true, but ya, which moron would write smth that's sue-able? okays. so maybe i'm one of them...

sa lost to aj for bball today. smth that's real sad. coz sa has been doing well for bball, getting into the tops. *sighs* it's the grouping that's y we didn't do well. so maybe we aren't really that gd after all, but ya, then again, maybe it's coz of the j1s. is it? ha. i don't know. rugby didn't do really well, so all's left is cricket and soccer and badminton? haha! (:

hmm...i think i've like got enough of bad news for a day already. been like taking in so much sadness already. not that i'm super sad or what, just disappointed, sad maybe. i'm always the last who gets all the news, haha, i don't blame anyone for that tho, just that my news are always outdated. but ya, knowing all these news are gd coz at least i'm still in touch with the ppl ard me (:

what raymond said is really true. u dont need to have alot of gd friends in your life. and even so, u don't really get to have alot of gd friends in your life either!

was complaining to lynn online during comp lesson the other day. i felt bad for doing so tho. not that i didn't listen during lessons but ya, i don't know. i just felt bad. prob i haven't been complaining for a v long time? or maybe it just got to me there and then.

i don't know whether what i'm doing is right or wrong. it just doesn't really make any sense to equate it to right or wrong. it's so hard to decipher. if i had a choice i rather this not happened at all, from the beginning.

seriously, i really don't know what to do next, where to start or when to end. all i know is that i'm super vexed with all these crap going on in my mind. it's like i used to be able to handle all these stuff but now, it just seems that i'm losing all my energy, and literally dying. guess that's what ps rachel wld say - drained.

i'm just waiting for the hols to arrive so soon, for youth anni to be over, and for everything to just subside. give me a break. it's like sch's already so taxing and PW is enough to kill me. NOW i know why when they said when PW's added to the timetable, u'll be so bz. NOW i know why...yea and i've got to catch up like a whole load with my friends. sch work's and sleep's not the only thing u need to catch up u know? u gotta catch up with God and ur friends too.

yea. and so my life's like so runned down. i keep thinking, as long as my purpose in life is complete, i'll be in heaven with God so soon. i'm really just waiting for that day.

i really miss u alot.

mmm...

heh. today was a gd day (: ok. why am i telling u this.

actually i shldn't be blogging now coz usually after i blog, i'll die of exhaustion before i even embark on my work. haha. and today there's at least 7 things i need to complete by 12am tonight. coz i NEED TO SLEEP!

stuck with PI. can't get started with it AT ALL. well at least i have an idea. rough guide and so on. BUT i can't seem to get the drive to do reasearch on it and crap out 500 words. and guess what? the deadline's on fri! God bless me.

decided to start mugging man. haha! just bought the phy tys today and, eww, even though i feel like putting it aside but yea. i gotto work harder man. phy test is nx wk! haha! wonder why i'm so enthu abt studying? coz i passed my fmb test!! whahahahah!! i feel so happy after studying only a lil for it. (: hehs. i still think fmb is so much easier than fma. maybe i love trigo too much. LOL. that's just impossible.

i think i'm turning blind. after looking at com screens everyday my eyesight is just deteriorating. hehs. then i can get my pretty black glasses. LOL

yea and i almost banged into a lamp post AGAIN. thanks to rena chan.

tired tired tired

haven't been working during the past week. haha i feel so lazy. and all of a sudden i have to start working again. not working in the sense like getting a job or what but working as in "kai gong le". must start getting ready for Bethel YA anniversary (: we r praying so hard that it'll be a great day (: yea. and also, cell's resuming this fri after the 3 wk break we had because of so many events that has happened. need to prepare word. yups. and tests are coming so soon! need to study!! ahh!!! zzzz...

i think i'll turn nuts soon. at the rate i'm going, like have a one-week break w/o much hw to do and then become so stressed the nx wk, haha, i think i'll really turn nuts soon. hehs. but nuts is gd (: monkeys like nuts (: haha!! ya. there u have it. i'm nuts.

today's sunday. today's mothers' day. (: i love mom. haha. yea. and i guess today changed lots of things. (:

oh yes oh yes. committee fasted and prayed for youth anni again. i nv had the habit of fasting and praying but it's just so awesome when u fast and pray as a grp and then u just feel so great because u know God's answered ur prayers (: well, not that He has already answered them, we don't know yet, but it really feels so awesome to just experience God. that's y i love prayer meetings! but i can't attend thurs' coz it's late, and i can't attend sun's coz of sun cell :( if only sun cell wld like stabilize then i wldn't have to like attach myself to 2 cells. yea. then i can attend prayer mtg, which i so miss it. :(

yea. if u can see how fast i'm typing this, u'd roughly know how stressed i am. haha! have so much on my mind now. so preoccupied with so many things. ah! i think my brain's going to burst soon. ah! *sighs* if only my brain were a lil bigger and more useful, then i wldn't have a headache. *sigh* as long as the youth anni is over, i can concentrate better. and i hope i won't have to get involved with this yr's zone retreat again. *sigh*

yea. and because i think too much, even when i'm walking, i tend to put the ppl ard me secondary. i'm so sorry guys if i stone too much everytime i'm with u all or even chatting online...yea. i can't help it either. life's not a bed of roses, even tho i may choose to slack and not do anything, but yea, i still have to take responsibility.

Holy is the Lord

and together we sing...everyone sing...

nice song. haha. wonder why Bethel doesn't sing it.hmm~

didn't blog last night coz by the time i reached home from speech day i was so tired. didn't attend leaders' meeting also coz i only ended like 730 then by the time i reach there half of the mtg wld have been gone. ya. so didn't go church.

speech day was like "wow" coz i haven't met all the nh ppl for like so long and going back shows alot of changes in them. it's like going back to nhps on teachers day. everyone looks different. and i guess going back to nhss during teachers day will surface alot of changes in ppl's looks. yea. it was kinda shocking to see one guy actually slim down THAT much. yups. but all in all, looking at all the colourful blazers, all except sa's, was interesting (: haha. brown red brown red brown red. lols. all of the sa ppl from nh didn't borrow blazers coz we were too lazy to do so. lols

during the 2hrs i had b4 meeting marie and the rest to go back to nh was spent with weiping and estee. we just hung out in the sc and rot til the cows came home. haha! no...was only when estee received a msg that there was no touch rug then we started to move out of the sc. lols. else i think they wld have rot until the cows really came home. lols. and ya, we kept laughing and laughing too. haha...

going to finish the touch up on george's presentation. FINALLY the presentation's 2mr so i won't have to do anymore abt it. haha. ya. and YA anni meeting today was pretty progessive. although i didn't stay throughout, coz i had to meet rena to go out, haha, but i think they did discuss alot compared to what we did previously. ya.

yups. and i just realized there's phy test nx wk. lol. so cmi. but i think i finished studying for fma already. zzz. just pray that i won't fail again. haha! (:

for this wk, have been reading abt ur real identity in God. it's like when ur life gets all stagnent and dull and mundane, u really can't see God that much. because that's when u get complacent and stuff. but ya, guess i've been praying too hard to ask God what my real identity He has in my life that things start to happen in my life like all of a sudden. God made me realize the very purpose i live my life for. He made me understand my real identity. all along i knew it, it was just that i lost all touch of it and He made me gain back the faith and trust in Him. it's so awesome when God does smth like that in your life, makes u get back on ur feet and run the race for Him (: i love God so much! (:

aaahhhhhh

aaaaaahhhhhh!!! *screams*

so tired so tired so tired!!!

i want to go slp now but i can't. i've got to at least wait till prayer meeting's over and for laureen to reply me and then send cecelia the mail. ahhh!! zzZzZzzZZzz.....

today was kinda a gd day (: haha. of coz it was a gd day! gd day for both rena and i! =D yea. but the bad thing was that we were stranded at the gallery for about 2 hours? until the rain finally stopped pouring. ahha. 2nd time already. i am so not going to the gallery again when the weather looks threatening. and weiping was so evil laughing at me coz i was stuck at the gallery -.- haha!! ya. and i was like raising my hand, waving at her when she was at the cafe. lols. so cmi. ahha

i enjoyed the rj-nj match totally. it was so exciting and wet. and the score 3-1. oh wells, sa did better: 3-0 to tp! haha! thank God man. it was like a total trashing for them.

yes. and i failed my fma test. haha!! i'm happy abt it coz i didn't expect it to fail with a gd grade. haha. it was surprising but expected to fail. so ya. guess i'm gonna work hard for the next test, which is the common test? i think i'll be failing physics big time. haha...*yawns*

i'm so tired i can't think of anything to write now. i just feel like playing bball all of a sudden. ): i haven't touched my bball since eons. and i feel so sad. like i've lost touch of my passion. i've lost interest in so many things already that i sometimes even doubt whether God is still working in my life. of coz He is. it's just that i'm oblivious to it and i'm too ignorant about it.

meant to do a writing. if energy prevails, u'll be lucky to see a post later (:

disappearing

didn't come online last night coz i slept at 8.45pm. whahaha!~ i was already falling asleep on the chair when i tried to do my fma tutorial coz i thot there wld be tut today, but thank God it was cancelled (:(: hehs.

i've been losing alot of sleep lately. haha. thanks to my gp essay, i slept at 3am on monday morning. but thank william for helping me else i think i'd only sleep at 5 if i were to single-handedly finish the essay myself. haha!! wil is so great! LOL! all rights. if he ever reads this i think his head's gonna be BIG again. haha! but ya. he even manage to convince me to change my initial view about the topic. haha. he's that gd la. lol. great. there's gp 2mr again. haha.

sch's been pretty all right. w/o assignments to hand in on impossible deadlines and projs to complete, life's pretty fine. (: yea. at least i get to stone in the cafe and stare at my mugger classmates do their tutorials. haha. yea. but today wasn't really a nice day. 0=)

i saw this guy wearing the saints pe tee jogging. i realized i haven't wore it for like a month already. haha. been falling sick recently. so sad. everyday i just feel sick. ): when will i ever get well?

and i finally finished the last antibiotic pill. finally.

been wanting to do a writing but haven't found time and energy. *sigh* maybe gonna do one later. hehs. haven't written for a VERY long time already. getting v rusty. haha. i used to do a writing like once a month previously. but now. haha. got inspiration but no time.

coz i can't picture u in my mind anymore.

i wanna...

...hold u in my arms forever like in my dreams

i'm supposed to do my GP essay now. research almost done and yes, i think i've stored too much info in my brain and they have turned into peanuts coz now i can't think of anything to write about. that's if i have a brain la of coz. haha! *sigh*

actually politics ain't that bad. have been reading political articles on the net because i'm forced to when i'm doing my research. yea. it ain't that bad because when it comes to social issues i kinda get interested. haha. but talks about govts and what not? nah. i'll just give a passing eye. maybe not even one look.

thank God i dont have like a deadline like what time to hand in tonight so i can take till 6am 2mr to complete. haha. but that's not gonna happen. i'm so going to force myself to come out with some crap to hand in 2mr. *sigh*

wow

it had been one horrible week. prob the worst week of my life. thank God both ytd and today was fun. haha!

was sick. i guess i was sick for about a week already. since last week. since thurs 24 apr. lols. but it wasn't as bad that time. it was only the initial stages of the curse. haha!! okay la. i shan't laugh anymore, lest i become sick again.

"laughter is the best medicine."

so why did i fall sick?

haha. oh wells. because of my cough and sorethroat and all, i cldn't really think during my fma test. and i'm bound to fail coz already 11 marks from the 1st qn is gone. lols. ya. besides, i didn't read the notes, not to mention study, so i don't really feel sad or what. i'm just getting my own desserts. hehs. but because of my cough and sorethroat, i got a 30-day mc (:

yea. one stressed up week, didn't do tutorials and all. didn't do my PI also. and so i have to complete it by 2359hrs today. 5 more hrs to go. oh no... yups and i practically forgot to do everything except think about PI and finish my math tutorials in case ms tan really asks the whole class to hand in tutorials. *sigh* i forgot to hand in cell report, i forgot to remind my cell mem that there was "book of amos" on fri, i forgot to hand in comp hw which was due last mon, i forgot so many things. *sigh* i need a break badly. this labour day hol ain't good enough. besides, i have to labour on labour day. why...

to add onto the list, i finally finished making george's presentation video. (: and i finally realised that i cld actually burn vcds with lousy quality... -.- oh wells but i'm so happy it's finally over. but we didn't get to present to george today coz there was a last min comb svc coz ps benny ho was preaching. yups. and the presentation wld move forward to nx sun. haha. and laureen's testimony wld be vault.

went for flag day ytd, was kinda fun and all. except that the ppl walk one round to avoid you and some ignoring you when u ask for donations, the rest of flag day was allright. yes. and we went to eat jap food (: hehs. later went to suntec to get rach's present. so glad rach likes the earrings. haha coz i'm just not the kind who will buy these kinda stuff, accounting to the vein in my earlobe. maybe it's not a vein, just smth in my ear lobe. haha. but ya, anita and rena were saying they looked nice, so ya, why not trust their taste. hehs.

yea and i almost got cheated. this guy was at city hall mrt asking for donations and saying all those stuff. and he said,

"your boyfriend wld be proud of u"

like whatever. i dont' even have a bf la.

"a small amount wld do"

so all right, i reached for my wallet.

"oh erm. $5 wld do"

great. that was all i had then. so all right. i just said sorry and he walked off. (:

haha oh wells. afterwards, went home quite early, didn't do anything, no PI no GP. hehs. i'm such a slcaker. ushered this morning and i wore smth that i won't usually wear. haha. ok, ppl who don't know me well said "wow ur wearing a skirt!" haha. but other ppl said "u look different" haha. even uncle lawerence said i looked different la. i didn't even change anything.

svc was good (: anointing of the Holy Spirit. God's presence was so awesome. (: u cld even feel it at the balcony. (: yea. then collected the notes from rach and she was like saying "don't cut ur hair anymore! keep it longer!" yea. but i don't really like long hair. and she didn't give 10 gd reasons y i shldn't cut my hair so ya, prob i'll cut my hair some time nx week. hehs. lols. even joyce said rach's hair was abt the same length as mine. so ya. hehs.

youth anni committee fasted, at least the 5 of us did. the rest were like no where to be found. haha. yea and went back with the guys. and now i've got to go eat dinner and try to finish up my PI. not try, but i've got to finish up my PI. 4 more hrs to go...