the weight of the world

"About the ninth hour Jesus cried out in a loud voice, 'Eloi, Eloi, lama sabachthani?' -- which means, 'My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?'"

--Matthew 27:46

that was the moment when Jesus bore the sins of the world; the past, present and future sins of the world. that was when He bore the weight of the world on His shoulders.

i was at the back again and this time, God opened my eyes to see what He wanted me to see. in the past, i would wonder why people could worship God so passionately and vibrantly and yet live a life perpendicular to that, and i would be judgmental. now, i just forget about the whole thing altogether and focus on the minimum.

however, it's also important that i view the youth as a whole and not just focus on my cell group alone, no matter how tempting it may be. yesterday, God showed me what i needed to see. i saw a changed life and felt the hurts of many. i saw the potential the youth had if people would just be genuine. i was guilty of nonchalance.

i had always wanted to help but i never knew how. i never liked people who gave judgmental stares as if everything u did, right or wrong, wasn't good enough in their eyes. unconsciously, i was that person. because of prejudice, i gave people the looks they didn't deserve. everyone deserves a second chance no matter how bad their past was because God is a God of second and third chances.

and sometimes, the only thing we can do, and have to do, is simply pray. and sometimes, that's really more than enough :)

thank God

today i saw an act of humility and it meant far more than just the act. it meant alot more that the normal members couldn't see. i used to deny that church politics exist. now i just wished, we wouldn't be involved in politics at all. the reason why there is politics is because there is gossip, because we use our own 2 eyes to judge. politics was around since time immemorial. politics was around even when we were in primary school. it's just that at that time it wasn't called politics. it was called gossip. gossip only became politics when power came to play; in the working world.

that is why, God has commanded us not to gossip. that is why, i'm always impartial.

we always want strength especially when we're tired. i always pray and ask God for strength and rest especially when i'm oh so tired. i never actually realise that beneath my tiredness, there is strength. and i'm actually quite amazed how God sustained me even until now, throughout the whole day. i could have passed out but i didn't. i could have just fainted on the way home but i didn't. i made it home and even had a chat with my family over dinner. i often take these for granted, that God actually answers my prayers. to think after praying this prayer for so many years, i only realised now.

thank God :)