short short

have been wanting to blog here for a long time. i've even got quotes ready. just that either i'm too lazy or i'm just waiting for the mood to blog.

anw, beginning of 2008 has taught me many things already. firstly, 'the joy of the Lord is my strength'. a simple phrase but it means so much. what truely is the joy of the Lord? what does it really mean to make a decision to put God first daily? does it just mean reading God's word daily? what does it mean to surrender totally to God each and everyday? doing it for a day or two is easy. but doing it for an entire lifetime?

know what? i don't really care. christianity isn't all about living by formulas or rules or regulations. neither does it mean we live by what we deem fit. laws and rules do come in handy. but at times, there just isn't a clear line what is right, what is wrong. i'm not perfect, even laws and regulations made by the churches aren't perfect. the only perfect one around is God and only He can tell us what is right.

i can choose to frown upon my history readings of church history and scorn the people who make fun of christianity during tutorials but i don't really care. it isn't about defending my religion but taking a more objective view as to 'that's what they believe' and it may be true without connotations. leave my personal judgement aside, i get to see things in a better view and for what they are without emotions.

i realised i have a thousand and one reasons to be moody this entire month. things just keep coming my way and they don't really look good. one may say i've become immuned to disappointments ever since the release of my results and i've even told annette that if i were to really sit down and think hard about all these things, i might become depressed. not that i'm not affected by it but after going thru so much, i rather not think about how affected i am. there're better ways to spend my energy on.

i can choose to sulk all day, or to praise God for who He is even though things may not go the way i want them to. but because He is the same and He never changes, i have a reason to praise Him even when the storms come (=

joy

i never actually understood what pure joy was, even in the worst circumstances.

yes, of course, in God's presence there is fullness of joy. but that kind of joy is not something that eludes u away from reality. sometimes i would be skeptical and think that being 'happy' in God's presence and 'enjoying' His presence is just escaping reality and ignoring what's going on in life and just try to be happy for that few hours.

but, thank God, that's not true. through this i understand that even at the worst circumstances, it's not really a 'bo chap' attitude but really whether i choose to be sad and depressed or choose to rejoice because of God's grace, i can face whatever that happens. even amidst the worst circumstances possible, i choose to give thanks for what God has done in my life because really, this one small thing cannot overwrite all the wonderful things He has done and He deserves all praise and glory.

if God isn't in my life, i would be living a very depressed life now and thinking of the worst possible circumstances with nothing to hold on. i know because i was truely very sad that day but without God's strength and His peace telling me that everything will be alright, i wouldn't be typing this today. because only God is the same yesterday, today and forever and everything else will change, we can't hold on to anything but God because He is the only one that will never change.

i will still thank God for whatever happens(=